It’s Monday and I am bored because I go on vacation in a few days and I’m totally mentally checked out and Grace Fox wants us to entertain her, because she’s sitting in a police station. So riddle us this…. What have you wrecked or broken during crazy circus sex? I’ll go first: bookcase. Ikea bookcase. You?

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With each viewing of Hoarders, I’m compelled to clean house. For someone who tries to keep it simple, I have a lot of useless shit in my house. Useless shit that is not worth anything yet I can’t seem to get rid of because I have too many feelings about said objects. This makes me wonder… OMFG, AM I A HOARDER?!

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Short and sweet: IT IS TIME TO MAKE THE SUMMER MIXTAPE. Everyone needs one to blast on the speaks whilst rolling down the street… smoking menthols, sipping on gin and juice. Yeah, I said mixtape even though cassettes became extinct in the Mesozoic Era. ‘Pod list = MIXTAPE. Okay?

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It’s the return of “Dear Grace” with Grace Yip at the helm. She will solve all of your lesbionic problems in just a few paragraphs, so you can process less and do more.

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I have seen way too many fucked up tats of Chinese characters. Since I try to be non-judgmental to people’s faces, I will simply smile, turn away and roll my eyes. IF YOU ARE GETTING A TATTOO IN A LANGUAGE YOU ARE NOT LITERATE IN, PLEASE GET IT APPROVED BY SOMEONE LITERATE IN SAID LANGUAGE BEFORE YOU INK.

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Tell us your nastiest, goriest sports injury. Got pictures? Post a link below or notify me on Twitter @Yiponthespot. The Nastiest Sports Injury EVAR wins a prize!

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Before Twitter there were fortune cookies. Brief bits of wisdom on demand (whenever you got Chinese takeout at least).

Grace Yip and Grace Chu provide a list of lesbian fortune cookie messages. But mostly Grace Yip, because Grace Chu is not only an unenlightened lesbians, she is also an unenlightened Asian.

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Dear Mom,

Thank you for the LeSportSac-Psychedelic-Cat-Print-Bag-(That-Really-Looks-Likes-A-Purse)… I TOTES LOVE IT!! I am so glad that we finally have something in common that we can talk about, bags! You probably thought that the five Timbuk2 messenger bags, two Invictas, two Chromes, Diesel, Crumpler Manhattan Portage and Tumi bags that I own just don’t cut it…

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It’s open season on SUV-owners, that is, until you need someone to move your new one bedroom set from Ikea or drive you and five of your friends (and all of their sports equipment) to your rec league game.

This SUV-owning dyke is sick of the hypocrisy and has one thing to say: move, bitch, get out the way (and get your own moving service)!

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I have a love-hate relationship with the holidays based solely on… holiday parties. Whether it is thrown by your place of work, friends or your drunk Uncle Dan, socializing at these annual events is a perfect way to catch up on the dirt that you’ve somehow missed, mingle if you’re single, or have an eggnog. Or three.

Holiday parties allow me to prance around in my wickedly awes…

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