Title says it all. Enjoy.

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One reason why The Real L Word floundered and The Real Housewives franchise caught on like swine flu is because the cast members of the The Real Housewives are so absurd and larger than life that they have become mythological creatures. They have transcended the boundary between “human being” and “vessel through which WTF flows.”

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We all know Elisabeth Hasselbeck is just one echelon above Jersey Shore’s Snooki in the “playing with a full deck” department, so we’re not going to talk about her. Instead, we’re going to give Joy Behar a round of applause for saying something intelligent about women coming out later in life.

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Grace Chu is still recovering from watching the “Alejandro” video on repeat last Tuesday and trying to make sense out of it for a million lesbians. Grace Yip has fallen down the World Cup black hole and is probably in a taco-induced coma. O’Neill is playing dodgeball or something, and Fox is shaking in a corner after dealing with too many hoarders and psychopaths in her day job. We are not making any of this up.

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Our bronzed and impossibly coiffed friends from Jersey Shore will make an appearance on Monday’s Ellen show to answer questions in a trivia game called “Know or Go!” Hilarity ensues.

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After a shaky start, because the public generally shies away from watching educational programming, the show is finally getting a fist pump in the ratings due to its groundbreaking content. Here is what we have learned so far about these intriguing hominids: they are highly evolved and can withstand inhospitable conditions… except when it comes to watching women make out in hot tubs.

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Fuck 2009.  I mean seriously. It has to go.  I can’t begin to tell you how much trouble it has brought to bear on myself and my group of dearly disgruntled this year.  Be they health, legal, financial or relationship problems, we have been INUNDATED with bad luck; quite literally shat upon by 2009. There is a lot I’m asking Santa to bring me for Christmas, mostly in the way of reparations. (…

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The announcement of Obama’s proposed health care plan has caused an extraordinary number of citizens to come forward and put their untreated mental illness on display for all to see. The latest desperate measure by lunatic fringe of the right is comparing Obama’s administration to the Third Reich. Barney Frank tells it like it is to one of these loons.

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I am going to disrupt the flow of this blog to bring you a couple of songs that managed to hit #1 in Germany simply because I feel like torturing you. Suddenly Meatloaf isn’t so embarrassing.*

(1) “You Drive Me Crazy” by Daniel Küblböck, a contestant who did quite well in Germany’s version of American Idol:

(2) And this, the “Kuschel Song” by an anima…

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One of Gawker’s blind items from yesterday poses the following question:

“Which A-list actor’s wife belongs to a secret lesbians-only club in L.A.? To keep things discreet, the club staggers arrivals so its members aren’t photographed together.”

I cannot think of anything more horrid than a secret lesbian club, unless one of the rules of membership…

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