Hey, before you bust up you computer in anger at such an un-lesbian statement, I’m not saying that all lesbians secretly crave penis, cos I sure as hell know that I don’t! No, I’m talking about platonic relations with men, see? I mean that the whole stereotype of us hating men really is a load of crap.

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As you can see, lesbians like debating anything and everything, no matter how trivial the subject matter. Not only do lesbians like competitive sports, lesbians like to spar verbally. Lesbians will split hairs, distinguish the indistinguishable, and fabricate conflicting viewpoints that don’t exist for the sake of debating. When there are no hot button issues to argue about, we will create our own. See, aren’t lesbians entrepreneurial?

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This is scientific fact, and one day I will earn the Nobel Prize for Badassery for this discovery. Once the weather goes above O C or 32F (depending on where you live—though why y’all start counting at 32 is a little baffling), you can be sure that the best place to catch lesbians is on the patio.

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You know the feeling, you’re out with a group of all straight friends and something gay comes up. Immediately the conversation stops and all eyes go to you; not because your friends feel awkward, nor are they afraid they’ve offended you. They want answers. Let Grace Gatsby walk you through it.

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Once upon a time, underpants were an item of clothing to be worn underneath one’s outer clothes, never to be exposed. They were long and puffy, made of wool and cotton, and my Grandma informs me that they were really, really itchy. Some had buttoned butt-flaps, some were drawstring, and some – including ones owned by the Lesbian’s favorite British Monarch- were open…

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We all know that dyke who acts as if they are above living as a walking lesbian cliché. They refuse to wear anything from American Eagle, abhor Tivas and wouldn’t be caught dead sporting a faux hawk. They are quite verbal about how they can’t stand these things and how lesbians can do so much better when it comes to fashion. They work very hard to enlighten their poor, uneducated gay posse all w…

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Once upon a time, Lindsay Lohan was a Hollywood cliche. Her run-ins with the police, short term flings with a string of whats-his-names, late nights filled with booze and coke, and stints in rehab solidified her status as a card-carrying member of The Terrible Three: Paris, Britney and Lindsay – oh my!

Future lesbian icon? Despite the publication of lesbian-ish photos of Lindsay…

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We all know that lesbians like straight girls, but ask any lesbian from here to China if she has ever dated a straight girl, and her expression will suddenly turn stony. Either that or she will laugh derisively and anything she says will be dripping with sarcasm and/or bitterness. You may think to yourself, “Oops, I’ve said too much,” but this is just the opportunity your lesbian subject ha…

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“Stuff Lesbians Like” has become an extensive list – with over 100 entries in all. So let me ask you, dear readers – where are you going to put all that stuff? In the pockets of your cargo pants? Please. You can’t wear cargo pants every day, and even if you do, you can’t fit chapstick, your aviator shades, a spare American Eagle pullover, and the other items th…

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The marriage equality movement has taken a few punches lately. Prop 8 passed in November, and this week, the Justice Department wrote a brief in support of DOMA in which it placed same sex marriages on the same level as incest. Gays and lesbians everywhere licked their wounds and quickly moved to counterattack. That is, all except the enlightened lesbians.

In any Prop 8 protest or marriag…

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