The other night I rented He’s Just Not That Into You. My perplexed house guest asked, “Why would you want to watch that —what kind of lesbian are you?” Uhmmm the kind that appreciates Ginnifer Goodwin, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Connelly, Scarlet Johansson, Sasha Alexander, and Bradley Cooper. Bradley Cooper? What? He is pretty – don’t judge. I am glad I’m just not that into hims. I am very much into hers, which is where I thought the movie could prove interesting. Can we transfer knowledge from straight situations of love and lust and dating and mating?

If you ask the token gay couple, the answer is no —the rules are completely different for gays (well, gay men at least, according to the movie). They employ the “two second/three second” rule: If you look at a potential date/hook-up for less than two seconds, there will be no booty for you. But if the look lingers three seconds or longer, better stop on the way home for some astroglide.

Now as a lesbian, I lie somewhere on the continuum of a one night stand and renting a U-haul for the second date. The “two second/three second” rule would work for a one night stand, but I am not that kind of girl. And, since I am not ready to rent a U-haul, I defer to Barney Stinson and his five-minute Lemon Law for dating. If after five minutes you know there is no potential for a second date —let alone the need to ever, ever rent a U-haul —you just say “Lemon Law!” in the first five minutes to end the date…no harm, no foul. Either party in the date can do it, and it is really like ripping a band-aid off quickly to mitigate the pain.

So, the question becomes how do you know if she is into you? This calls for the lesbian amendment to “if he cares about you, he will make it happen.” If you are into her and she is into you, both of you will make it happen. You will find the time in your busy world to let her know you are into her; conversely, she will find ways to let you know she is into you. They could be dorky, romantic things, like reminding you that you look at the same moon every night (even though you’re an ocean apart), sleeping with a t-shirt that smells like you so she doesn’t have to miss you when you’re gone, surprising you with your favorite cookies when you get up on a lazy Saturday. The lesbian amendment applies: If she is into and you are into her, you both will make it happen.