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Grace Underfire

The Ultimate Fantasy: Lesbian Twins!

By

I was having coffee this past Wednesday writing a terribly boring reflection assignment on how I communicate with others when my iPod suddenly flashed to Tegan and Sara. Any other day, this would have been normal and boring. On that day, it led to one of the more philosophical and political conversations I have ever had about lesbian twins.

Think of it. Twins. Lesbian twins. Hot lesbian twins. Hot lesbian twins who write lyrics you can quote. The conversation went a little like this….

Underfire: I am listening to Tegan and Sara.

Queer friend*: Nothing like a little lesbian music to help the studyin’.

Underfire: Question. Are they both gay?

Queer friend: Tegan is gay, right?

Underfire: Yeah, I think so. Sara is probably gay too. Have either of them slept with men?

Queer friend: I don’t know. Would they be lesbians if they weren’t gold star lesbians?

Underfire: That is a classification I am not comfortable making at this time.

Queer friend: I think they are both gay. Aren’t they? They have to be gay.

Underfire: I don’t know.

Queer friend: I think they are both gay.

Underfire: That would be awesome if they were. Can you imagine? Twins.

Queer friend: Ummmm….I will Google it.

Underfire: It’s the ultimate fantasy come true. Lesbian twins. Yes please.

I need to make this very clear. This is not a post about Tegan and Sara. This is a post about lesbian twins. Let’s focus people. Bed. Twins. Bedding twins. I don’t want you to think that I would ever objectify women in any way. I am reclaiming a societal power structure that has plagued generations of Neanderthals and primitive male beings since the dawn of time. I don’t want our society to suffer. I want to take the power back and bring it over to women. Just like we have confiscated queer, homo, dyke, lesbo, and twat (you can thank lesbian users of twitter for this one), we need to love lesbian twins.

One might think that this is a very misogynistic post. Not the case. This is about reclaiming power. We are women loving women. We NEED to think about lesbian twins this way. We need to start identifying the dyke-a-likes. The naturally born, gods created, beautiful wonders of this world. Two beautiful faces that look similar. Four eyes, four hands, four breasts, all empowered.

I will use a recent motto I saw on a t-shirt wearing girl (who ended up being one-half of a heterosexual twin in a college sorority I did not think about this way as they were not empowered lesbians), while studying at the coffee shop: “Inspire the women, impact the world.”

We can do this! Do you want to change the world? Do you want to change the way we think about America? Do you want to change the way we think about lesbian twins? We can do this America. We can objectify better than we ever have before. It is our duty. It is our calling as women. Nay, it is our calling as LESBIANS! This is OUR time. This is OUR place. This is OUR duty. WE CAN DO THIS!

With that, I need to go home and take a shower now to cleanse myself of such a terrible history fraught with misogyny and tyranny…..preferably with some twins.

*Does not want to be put in a box. Labels are for jars, not for people. Queer friend attended a women’s college in the Northeast and has attended several gay political rallies. She is an enlightened lesbian.

9 Responses to “The Ultimate Fantasy: Lesbian Twins!”

  1. miss chatelaine Says:

    um. Underfire, you’re awesome, but ew. Seriously. I don’t have anything against incest, but I don’t want to participate in it.

  2. Grace Ünderfire Says:

    Tongue-in-cheek.

  3. Grace Ünderfire Says:

    The original link did not post. That comment was supposed to be accompanied with this.

    youtube.com/watch?v=TDxf1hRTiME

  4. brooklyn Says:

    completely unrelated to this post – gracethespot ought to reconsider some of the ads that come through the RSS feed. today it was billie jean king promoting michael bloomberg for nyc mayor. no thanks.

  5. straight girl in office Says:

    ok miss chatelaine, i don’t get it. please don’t take this the wrong way, but i just don’t think the author was intending to assume that these twin sisters would be involved in any kind of incestuous relationship simply because they both may (or may not) be lesbians. i guess i thought the message was more about reclaiming the power and changing the way the world thinks about women and lesbians. maybe i’m wrong…?

  6. SamH Says:

    straight girl in office:
    I think what miss chatelaine was getting at was the thought of “bedding lesbian twins” is kind of inherently incestuous. If one wishes to be engaged sexually with twins at the same time, it can be inferred that the twins are involved in the same sexual interaction. And this is, arguably, creepy. I am friends with two bisexual twins, whom I both find attractive, but that is a line I myself would never cross.

  7. Grace Underfire Says:

    Oh goodness, I feel I have been taken too seriously again. This post is truly a tongue-in-cheek look at what could occur if lesbians actually thought about bedding lesbian twins as bedding twins is one of the ultimate male fantasies out there.

    I a) do not have the game to bed lesbian twins. never have. never will.
    b) I am married. I am not allowed to have fantasies that are not about my wife. stupid pren-up.
    c) I am not attracted to Tegan and Sara, but my straight friend Amber is. She can’t figure out who either one of them are, but she says either work.

  8. miss chatelaine Says:

    oh gosh, i didn’t know my comment would be taken so seriously either! I just meant that the thought of lesbian twins, together sexually in any way, shape or form, was not a thought I wanted in my head. It’s like thinking of your parents having sex – stop it brain, STOP IT! Or even worse, thinking about my own sister in that way, which now is making me feel a little sick.
    I get your tongue-in-cheek thing definitely, Underfire! But still, ew, ew. I just don’t want to have to ever think about it, even jokingly, in passing, as an empowerment thing, fantasy, tongue-in-cheek, anything. Just, EWW.
    Okay, I’m done.

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