 | It’s Penis Hat Season!By Grace Yip |
You know what I’m talking about. I received my first dreaded invite this weekend for a friend’s upcoming bachelorette party. Never mind that there is another wedding I have to get dressed up/buy a gift for or that it’s illegal for me to get married, I am cringing at yet another round of hanging out with my friends while they march around town with penis hats and chocolate dicks in their mouths.
Now, you must assume that I hate penis. I don’t. In fact, I love gay porn – but that’s a post for another day. Since I am the token gay girl in many str8 female friend circles, I am often going at these drunken “last chance” bar crawls by “myself” (i.e. sans entourage). It is uncomfortable watching my friends get groped by strange 30 year-old frat boys, particularly when they let that creepy dude with the receding hair line suck one of the 100 lifesavers off that shirt that the maid of honor spent 3 hours making. You know it’s time to find a way out when the bride-to-be starts screaming/slurring “THITH ITH YOUR LAST CHANCE TO GET WITH THIZZ!!!!” while gyrating ‘n’ pointing at the crotchular area while trying to rock this penis hat:
All this, after just the 2nd lemon drop. And because I love my friends, I will go. I will be there to celebrate you finding “your lobster*”. But if I look a little weirded out standing in the corner with my hands in my pockets, you’ll know why.
* antiquated Friends reference, circa 1996.
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March 23rd, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I hear ya, Yip. I have been to a couple of Bachelorette Parties and it is always an experience. At one party, I turned things around and hooked up with another girl at the party. I know I was definitely her “gay” experience. Well, I wasn’t exactly out yet but I was leaning towards “gaydom” at the time … 5 yrs ago. Let’s just say there was lots of alcohol involved … but the event helped to spice the night up!
March 23rd, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Ew.
Just ew.
March 24th, 2008 at 8:50 am
SERIOUSLY.
Rosen – I don’t think your experience is unique. Apparently bachlorette parties are “free passes” for those who are figuring things out/just want to say she’s made out with a girl. In my observations, it is mostly been the latter. These are the same people who squeal with delight at the penis hats.
March 24th, 2008 at 11:39 am
I believe otherwise heterosexual women who accept the “free passes” at bachelorette parties to wander over to the other side are called “barsexuals.” See definition here.
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