It’s that time of year again, folks; the time of year when shop windows glisten with green and red Christmas bobbles, trees are decorated with twinkling fairy lights, and commercials up their game and become more obnoxious than ever (Christmas bonanza! You’d be CRAZY to miss it! Get the hell off the sofa and buy this crap already!!).

It may be pretty early to think about what to buy for that “special someone” or for our treasured NSLP’s, but leaving things to the last minute can result in tantrums and even heartbreak; for example, nothing says, “I didn’t put a lot of thought into this” like soap or bathsalts. Everyone knows this, yet everyone receives at least one Bath and Body set every Christmas from one of their so-called “friends”. So to avoid being that thoughtless oaf who spent a whopping ten minutes in The Body Shop on Christmas Eve, here are a few ideas to inspire you and get you started on your merry way:

For the Sporty Dyke:

The sporty lesbians among us tend to be a pretty laid-back bunch, so it’s not to difficult to find a present to make them smile/keep them from staging a wrestling match beside the fully laid table. If they’re really into out-doorsy stuff, why not get them some camping gear? Some emergency knives, torches, thermal mugs and what have you…You could get them from Walmart or somewhere more earthy and less capitalist of you so choose. If camping isn’t her thing, how about a soccer/rugby/lacrosse shirt? If she plays for a team, and you wanna be REALLY original, you could customise an individual sports shirt just for her, complete with her name and player number.

For the Enlightened Lesbian:

This one is more complicated. Books seem like a good way to go, but then, there is a lot of potential landmines. Some books, such as those on the NY Times bestsellers list, will no doubt be “beneath” the enlightened lesbian, so you really have to get something obscure and thus more intellectually impressive. Try getting her something like this. The only drawback might be that she insists on discussing lesbian identities and heteronormativity in mainstream society whilst Grams is offering you mince pies.

For the lesbian Film Buff:

Since it’s Christmas, I’d recommend buying a nice lesbian DVD, where neither of the protaganists kill themselves, run away, or are otherwise disposed of. Here are a few ideas of good lesbian movies to chill out to;

Imagine Me and You
Spider Lilies/Ci Qing
Itty Bitty Titty Committee
Saving Face

Or if Christmas becomes completely un-salvageable, there’s always season 6 of the L word.

For the Lesbian who likes Sparkley things:

Why not get her some pretty jewelery? It’s a bit cheesy, but a stunning necklace or an elegant ring can be a long-lasting, treasured gift when done right. Just make sure she doesn’t take it the wrong way then tell Aunt Mabel that you two will be getting a Civil Union next summer in Mai…Oh, right. I mean, Massachusetts.

And Finally, for your closet Lesbian relative:

Candles. And some potpourri. Maybe a book on spirit animals. Trust me, she’ll love it.

Well, I’m all out of ideas for now. Happy Christmas Shopping Everyone!