 | Does This Make Any Sense?By Grace O'Neill |
Let’s play the hypothetical game, shall we?
Boy meets girl. They fall in love. And I’m not talking the Disney-ish “I’ve got an entire herd of woodland creatures singing along with me” type of love. I’m talking about the “up with you at 3 am, holding your hair back as you battle with the side effect of bad seafood” kind of love.
In short, they are made for each other.
So, boy goes out, practically sells the rights to his future first born in order to afford the biggest rock Tiffany’s has to offer, only to have girl pop the question first (Yes, that twist was totally in honor of my amazing feminist girlfriend).
He says yes. They pick a date. And everyone kicks into wedding planning mode.
But the day before they say “I do” and live happily ever after, they discover that they suddenly don’t have the right to marry. The people have voted (people they don’t even know) and have decided that their relationship isn’t valid. In their eyes, the boy and girl can’t be in love because nowhere in the (Bible, Torah, Koran) does it define love as holding one’s hair up in the dead of night when food poisoning strikes.
So, boy and girl are devastated. Sure, they can still have their wedding and live happily ever after, but to those that govern, their marriage will never be viewed as real. And they are condoned to a life of cutting through red tape and the extra burden of fighting to make sure they have 1/10th of the rights that Billy and Suzie from down the street have.
Crazy, right? That could never, ever happen.
Change the pronoun on either the boy or the girl and suddenly, it isn’t so crazy. Suddenly, it’s a reality that most of us are now facing.
I wish I could under how it’s logical to allow one group of people to vote on the basic rights of another group of people… but I don’t. Or even, strip the rights that have already been deemed constitutional by the highest courts in the land.
How does any of this make sense?
We are your brothers and sisters. Your mothers and father. Your nieces and nephews. Your aunts, uncles, and cousins. We are your friends and family. We are human beings.
In the words of Shakespeare, “If you cut us, do we not bleed?”
This isn’t about acceptance. Nor religion. Nor politics. Nor any other hot topic of the moment. This is about love and happiness. And as human beings, shouldn’t we wish that for each other?
Today New York follows the footsteps of so many other states and votes on whether gays should have the right to marry.
Let’s hope that for once logic, love, the pursuit of happiness prevail.
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November 10th, 2009 at 11:00 am
why do couples get all these tax benefits anyway? are we really in a state of desperate population growth that the government needs to give special credit for families?
pass ENDA!
November 10th, 2009 at 11:14 am
I am rooting for the people of New York. I lived in Buffalo, NY for a couple of years and saw the long road ahead for Western NY in the way of the gay. Even though that is the case, I know the state will pull through. There were a lot of good people trying to change some attitudes while I was there.
November 10th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Sometimes, I really do wish that I could understand why the recognition of same-sex relationships/marriage is so threatening to so many. It’s just unfathomable to me.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
The only reasons I can think of would motivate people to want a population increase are not very nice, such as wanting cannon fodder, running Ponzi scheme style pension scams, etc.. Thankfully New York’s governor is trying hard to get rid of the discrimination, but what happened in Maine sucked. Maybe the Bush Klan in Kennebunkport was involved. I don’t have children and am not married, so it pisses me off that I have to pay extra taxes to support all the bigoted prudes who are multiplying like rabbits while they preach against non-procreative sex. Other than out and out bigotry I’ve tried to think of why reasons anyone would oppose same sex marriage. Maybe because they were ugly nasty toads who were afraid their wives might leave to marry a lesbian if they got the chance? Because they were single and hoped for a threesome with lesbians but didn’t want to be committing adultery? I liked watching the segment with Ellen on Oprah where they showed scenes from Ellen’s marriage. It seems so wrong that anyone would oppose that.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
The idea behind it is simple. “Separate but equal”. It worked for so long before with other minorities, why won’t it work with the gay and lesbian community?
We’ll give all the rights and economic incentives but we’ll have to call it a “civil union” or “domestic partnership, ok? You don’t get “marriage.” You also have to have separate water fountains, but they work exactly the same as the het water fountains do.
[A beat.]
Hey O’Neil…you forgot the “serious post” tag on this one. I don’t want to be nit-picked by the guffawing rabble for posting the above serious-business faux pas reply to a post on Rowan & Martin’s Lesbian Laugh In, here.
November 10th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
“Sometimes, I really do wish that I could understand why the recognition of same-sex relationships/marriage is so threatening to so many. It’s just unfathomable to me.” – Grace Fox
I would highly suggest the following essay, which was written ten years ago but which remains valuable today to understand the root of anti-same-sex marriage activism:
Bruce Hahne, “Cultural Iceberg: Hidden Issues Beneath the California Knight Initiative,” December 4, 1999, http://www.pflagsanjose.org/advocacy/iceberg.html
Hahne argues that there are five core beliefs which underlie the opposition:
(1) Gender Polarization – i.e. traditional gender roles. It is worth noting that the most prominent anti-gay organizations (Focus on the Family, Family Research Council, LDS Church, Roman Catholic Church, Southern Baptist Convention) all believe in female subordination. For these groups, the supremacy of the husband in an (opposite-sex) marriage is a *fundamental* aspect of marriage, and same-sex marriage threatens this ideology (”undermines the institution of marriage”).
My own father, one of my uncles, and one of my aunts are all steadfast believers that traditional gender roles are *essential* to a legitimate marriage; from this perspective, same-sex marriage is unthinkable, as is gay child-rearing.
(2) Purity Ethics – in essence, gays are treated similarly to the “Untouchables” in the Indian caste system.
(3) Covenentalism – the belief that the United States has a special relationship with God, which requires the USA to enact theocratic laws. Thus, Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson accuse you of being ‘responsible’ for the attacks of 9/11.
(4) The Sinfulness and Teleology of Sex -
“1. Sexual desire is sinful
“2. Therefore the purpose of sexual activity is solely for procreation.
“3. Marriage exists to provide social boundaries within which sexual behavior is tolerable.
“4. Therefore, marriage exists to provide a social framework for the production of children. In the language of philosophy, we would say that ‘the teleology of marriage is towards procreation.’
“5. Same-sex marriage is not intended for procreation, violates the teleology of marriage, and therefore should be prohibited.”
(5) Traditionalist Biblical Hermeneutics – which supports the preceding four principles
The issues which appear in television ads (”Homosexual marriage taught in public schools!”) are simply scare tactics which are used simply because they work, not because they form the core of the Religious Right’s opposition to same-sex marriage.
November 13th, 2009 at 4:20 am
okay being rather libertarian I know these people. They are scared, because it is new and strange to them. they needed about 10 more years of seeing Ellen on tv, more L word, that kind of thing& they’d be all for it.
Something like50% of young evangelicals are fine with gay marriage. So, I’d say states should put it up to the people to vote on, and it will stick.
though frankly I can’t see why women are so dead keen to buy into such a patriarchal institution. when I love woman I’ll make my own committment ceremony to her and celebrate , I dont need the state’s at all
November 27th, 2009 at 9:48 am
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