I am one of millions of lesbians who will be relocating their ass to a exciting new place in 2010. Yup, I’m U-Hauling. This would be a pretty stressful experience in its self, but it’s made a hundred times more stressful since I am moving across the world, to a place called Borneo, famous for its Orangutans and a gargantuan mountain. Throughout all the trauma of trying to get my shit together, I felt motivated to compile a helpful list for all the lesbians out there thinking of moving miles away from home.

So here it is, Ladies:

1. Take Only What You Need

In the cleaning out your room process, it is likely that you will find a lot of sentimental crap you have hoarded over the years – a worn out hoodie that you never wear, but that reminds you of your college years; a snow-globe an ex brought you from Berlin; a giant stuffed penguin you won at the local fete (some gems in my room include a chefs hat, a huge rock I found on a country walk, and a bag of old plane tickets) – throw it all out. Let things go – you will always have the memories, but you don’t need the junk. It can be difficult, but it is worth it. You are starting fresh and making new memories, after all.

2.  Store Confidential Material Securely

Ha, guess what you’ve come across! That diary you kept in 2005. Boy, were YOU emotional! Despite the fact that this material is embarrassing and potentially disastrous, you want to keep it. Perhaps this is to remind yourself never again to pine after straight chicks or drink two bottles of wine before a formal party. Ensure this information is stored in a safe place, where only you can find it. Your girlfriend could be slightly affronted if she read: “(ex)Amy is the hottest thing I have ever seen. I am in love with her, and I will never love anyone with this kind of intensity ever again.”

3. Give to Charity

So you’ve hidden your ’05-’08 diaries, and separated the stuff you are going to take from everything else. You should now have a huge pile of unwanted clothes/books/trinkets. Why not call your buddy with the SUV, and have her drive you to the local Salvation Army shop? You will be getting rid of your crap AND making the world a better place! Everyone wins.

4. Pack in an Organized Manner

This one may seem obvious, but it is far too often scrapped by the stressed-out, frantic girl (i.e. me) trying to cram everything haphazardly into two boxes and a big ol’ suitcase. Try to label things, and put everyday necessities like clothes and underwear at an accessible point. Otherwise, you will end up having to empty all your worldly belongings onto the floor to find your favorite novelty T-shirt.

5. Try not to Stress

You still have to pack, go to work for the last few days, go to the bank to change your address, visit family friends, pick up some last minute gifts, and print out all your flight details. You also have to make time to eat and sleep. Your final days of moving can be some of the most stressful in your life, but try not to let it get to you. Think about what it will be like when this is all over and you will be in your new place, enjoying life and kicking back. If you find yourself on the edge, a knot in your tummy and a throat as dry as the Sahara, take some time out, get a cup of something de-caff, and listen to the CD your Mom bought you of whale noises.

If you’re moving in 2010, good luck! And if you’re settled somewhere, I envy you.