Gather round, girls and boys, and let me tell you about one of my amazing skills.
We all know it’s not cooking . It’s not something awesome like magic or even something useful like knowing sign language. No, my special skill is the ability to make people disappear…. Not so much the “up in a puff of smoke” type of disappearing, but disappearing in the sense of having people leave the state, and is most cases, country.
If we review the statistics, in the last eighteen months I’ve lost about seven people to the big, wide world. Most do the typical Aussie thing and return to the mother country but I’ve also managed to disperse people to other parts of the globe. Of those people, one was the first girl I fell truly, madly and deeply in love with, the second was another girl I had a killer crush on, the third was my last girlfriend and the most recent will be an entirely lovely girl I’ve just met online who is gearing up to move to the Big Apple. Love interests aside, two of my very best friends both ended up moving to the other side of this wide, brown land and one of them is now moving to London in mere days, not to mention the countless other friends have also made the leap or are knee-deep in serious preparations!
I guess I’m kind of like Sarah Jessica Parker’s character in Failure to Launch. Except that I don’t do it intentionally… nor does the person have to fall in love with me and, to date, no one has ever paid me for my services. I share my skills for free, maybe even too freely since it’s pretty well only ever people I’d really rather have around that end up going. However, I must admit I am not without fault. I too have up and run away overseas for a while, but I was thoughtful enough to do it while I was single and when everyone else was staying put.
I am really not sure how to rectify this mass exodus that seems to be happening in my social circle. I don’t want to prevent anyone from going and having their adventures and I’ve tried meeting new people to top up my quickly dwindling friendship group but eventhey are skipping the country. I have even briefly contemplated moving to London myself, if only to drive everyone to leave and come back to Oz again. A lovely person told me that it’s obviously a sign that I am friends with really fantastic, driven people if so many of them want to go out, experience life and make their mark on the world, which I suppose is true…but is it so bad to want someone to just stick around (or even just come back!) and drink cocktails with me?
Come on, let’s hear it! Is anyone else blessed with the skill to drive people away? Maybe your skills lie in a different area? Got anything to distract me from the fact that all my peeps are leaving me?