On Tuesday while lying in bed and cursing my uterus, on came a segment on The View on the history of menstruation. Why, why you ask? I do not know. Wait, I do know – it was so Elissa Stein and Susan Kim could promote their new book Flow: The Cultural History of Menstruation.The segment did not provide any new information to tame the PMS monster, all it really did was make men in the audience uncomfortable and made me wince on more than one occasion.

They discussed the language we use when we refer to our periods (see the above title as quoted by Susan Kim). They proceed to mention “the curse,” being “on the rag” and a few other euphemisms. I am sure you all can come up with plenty of others all on your own. Then the discussion took a turn I was unprepared for and still unable to describe exactly how I feel. Suffice it to say I am glad I was a wee tot in the 60s.

In 1912 The New York Times, you know the paper the “prints all the news that’s fit to print” wrote an editorial trying to prevent women from voting, because during their period they are emotionally unstable and unable to cast a rational ballot.

The discussion then took another turn that induced a super wince all the way down to my uterus. During the 50s and/or 60s, an advertisement recommended that women douche with Lysol, YES the pine fresh scent LYSOL. Granted the Lysol to water ration was 2 teaspoons:2 gallons of water, but LYSOL. To any woman that actually did douche with Lysol, your right to vote has been revoked. Just let the registrar know the next election.

The final turn in the discussion added some humor to a rather baffling segment, and I can only assume Elisabeth Hasselbeck came up with this idea. Before science got a grasp on female anatomy the uterus was thought to be “an autonomous creature searching for a baby.” Ridley, now I know what came busting out of you in Aliens.

Doctors also treated women using manual stimulation to treat hysterical paroxysms, but it would often take an hour or longer, and that is why the vibrator was invented. YAY for docs with no sense of direction or anatomy!

Now, this all got me to wondering why write about periods. I didn’t find the answer, but Elissa Stein and Susan Kim are not alone. I went to powells.com and found 78 titles all about menstruation. Meanwhile, only 30 titles are about ejaculation and even less were about the female orgasm. Below are a few of the actual titles of books written about our periods.

• The Curse: A Cultural History of Menstruation – Janice Delaney

• Prize Essay on the Corpus Luteum of Menstruation and Pregnancy – John Call Dalton Wha? A dude won a prize writing about women’s periods?

• Is Menstruation Obsolete? Elsimar M Coutinho. I sure wish it were for me.

• PMS: A Guy’s Roadmap: In Case You Won’t Ask for Directions. The Secrets to Living with a Lady’s Cycle – Kay Christianson. I just like this title.

• The Venus Week: Discover the Powerful Secret of Your Cycle – Rebecca Booth. Seriously?

• Her Blood Is Gold Reclaiming the Power – Lara Owen. I wonder if we can take that to Cash for Gold.

• Dragon Time: Magic & Mystery of Menstruation – Luisa Francia. This isn’t some Dungeons and Dragons game for girls, and I know I the only wings I have seen relating to periods are on maxi pads.

• Island of Menstruating Men : Religion in Wogeo, New Guinea (96 Edition) – Ian Hogbin. This I simultaneously want to see and so don’t want to see.

I choose to write about this because well, my misery should be shared. I promise on my magical mysterious uterus to never write about periods again, unless they are to end a sentence.