Stationary – Just so awesome.

I roll out of bed in the morning, eyes half shut and hair askew, before catching sight of my frightful reflection in the hallway mirror. I have sheet creases on the entire left side of my face. I better brush my teeth real good and wash my mouth with some listerine, because I think something died in my throat last night. At 8.15, I hurriedly swig down a cup of coffee, spilling a little on my crotch. Too tired too care, I join the hoards of exhausted, gloomy civilians making their way to work. Oh, to be back in bed, to feel the warm embrace of a fluffy duvet and soft pillow, sweetly dreaming of  (insert dream here) as the sun rises.

I get to the office and plonk my butt in my usual spot. So many emails to answer, so many faxes and papers to file…my colleague, Clive, wants to know if I had time to look over those folders he sent me, and did I remember to submit those files to head office? Also, he’s not sure if he mentioned, but there will be a 40min mandatory staff meeting after work.

These are trying times, but all is not lost. Do not cry for Grace Maxwell; for I have swiped a new pack of pens, a stapler, a wad of post-it notes, a hole-punch, a tip-ex pen, some glue, a roll of sellotape, and a box of paper clips from the stationary cupboard. It is here, on this faux pine desk, infront of the iridescent glow of the computer, that “The Terminator” comes to life – tip-ex, with paper-clip arms and a post-it note face. He begins wreaking havoc across that paper clive gave me – blanking out this and blanking out that – “Stop!” I cry, but he insists on changing “Clive – this needs checked I think” into

“Clive – h  e   s   tink” The Terminator is soon joined by Mr Bond – a glue stick with hole-punch eyes and a drawn on with sharpie bow-tie. Mr Bond proceeds to glue random papers together! I try to restrain these out-of-control villains, but it’s too late. Uh-oh, here comes Wonder Woman – a highlighter pen with a bad attitude – and now she’s highlighting words in no particular sequence, for no reason at all!

Clive presents the paper my villainous friends attacked during the meeting, staring at me questioningly. He looks pretty mad, but I’m sure it will be fine once I explain that The Terminator, Mr Bond and Wonder Woman were bent on making mischeif this  morning…