 | Stuff Lesbians Like Part 33: Going Out of One’s Way to Not Carry a PurseBy Grace Fannie |
It’s a fact that lesbians like to keep their hands and arms free when venturing into the public sphere. Doing so is important as encumbered hands allow one to swat away, or perhaps catch, any stray items like footballs, frisbees, or cell phones that cross one’s path. The bane of many a lesbian’s existence upon entering womanhood was the purse expectation. Well, that and the bra, but I suppose that’s a whole other topic.
Carrying a purse is a rite of passage for many young girls. Mothers, grandmothers, and girl friends take it for granted, that you(!) will want to carry a purse just as they do. See, the problem with purse-carrying is that unless a lesbian is of the lipstick variety, purses are entirely too girly for any self-respecting lesbian to be seen carrying. Sure, it’s true that we lesbians have stuff that a purse would be helpful in toting from place to place. But, our stuff surely does not consist of purse-y stuff like make-up, birth control devices, and special purse-belonging items. Our stuff-that-definitely-does-not-belong-in-a-purse consists mostly of necessities like cell phones, lip balm, and wallet.
Lesbians like to work around this hardship by going out of their way to not carry purses. Doing so usually involves wearing cargo pants/shorts with many pockets, jackets, and hoodies (even when it’s hot out). Although toting little bags-that-are-definitely-not purses breaks the hands-free rule, such bags are helpful to hold a group’s belongings when gaggles of lesbians go out on the town.
Comedian Suzanne Westenhoefer has referred to the person charged with carrying everyone’s belongings as The Purse Bearer. It is recommended to keep at least one lipstick lesbian in a lesbian gaggle at all times if only for purposes of her purse. Straight girl friends can also serve this important function. Older lesbians get down with their non-purse-bearing selves, of course, by wearing fanny packs in various public places.
Unfortunately, not carrying a purse has a couple of downsides. It leads to the noted dilemma of having nothing to do with one’s hands at a bar, which leads to the noted hand tuck. And, unfortunately, the lack of a purse means that one has nothing to shuffle through in moments of awkward public conversation.
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May 21st, 2008 at 3:22 am
Firm purse carrier here… and so is the SO (although hers is a backpack kinda contraption). It must be a European thing…
May 21st, 2008 at 7:44 am
I was the Purse Bearer in the relationship until Rosen finally bought a purse. Seriously. Each time I decided to bring a purse out, she’d get excited and dump her wallet and phone into my purse!
May 21st, 2008 at 9:28 am
This is so true (at least for me)! My partner uses cargo pants to address the issue. I go with a light jacket. We recently went to a more formal event, however, and neither my partner nor I had pockets in our suits. Thank goodness we had a femme friend going along. She had a big ol’ purse and we all dumped our stuff in her there! She was very gracious about it…I think she’s used to it.
May 21st, 2008 at 10:18 am
Can’t you just get one of those messenger bags with the seat belt closure? Doesn’t that fulfill all your purse needs?
May 21st, 2008 at 11:42 am
Heh. Arguably, messenger bags are essentially lezzie purses. Mr. Cooper, you are thinking of Chrome Bags (www.chromebags.com), which are excellent. San Francisco barfed up the Timbuk2 line, which are also popular messbags and are slung on lezzie shoulders across the nation.
May 21st, 2008 at 11:47 am
Don’t forget Manhattan Portage.
May 21st, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Ahhh yes. Manhattan Portage – that one is more popular on the East Coast. The newer kid on the block is Crumpler.
By the way, I own ONE purse, which Mama Yip bought for me. Thank goodness it looks like a mini-man-bag as opposed to purse, otherwise I would have hawked it on ebay. It has been useful for pocketless occasions like weddings and galas.
May 21st, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I sense a market niche for bags-that-are-not purses.
May 21st, 2008 at 3:25 pm
I do believe jeans with zipper pockets are the way to go. Not only does it keep your chapstick protected, it looks snazzy too!
May 21st, 2008 at 3:41 pm
I sense, once again, that I’m a niche. You’re talking about a woman, who LOVES to visit handbag stores! Accessories, scarves, hair accoutrements, handbags, tights, brooches, etc. The more, the happier. I have been known to do a 180° for a good purse… *sob*
May 21st, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Jeans with zipper pockets?
I need to stop shopping at Sports Authority.
May 21st, 2008 at 8:42 pm
how about the fact that many of us go out and instead of using a purse … we stuff our pockets jam packed full of stuff … and then ask if it looks stupid … any staight person would say YESSSSS YES IT LOOKS STUPID … of course it does … but because we are all non-purse carrying lesbians we say no it looks fine … everyone elses pockets will look exactly the same lol
May 21st, 2008 at 9:22 pm
I have looked at Timbuk, Crumpler and Manhattan Portage. Oh, and let us not forget Keen now makes bags. I haven’t found the perfect size for me yet. I want something smallish…you know, something like a purse but not
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:46 am
what about those bananas? I can’t believe anyone hasn’t mentioned those yet? You know, the ones you sling across your chest that carry pretty much everything and come in every possible type of leather and colour…
May 22nd, 2008 at 10:08 am
Reminds me of a Sabrina Matthews routine on Laughing Matters … More – If I remember correctly, she calls the purse “butch-eating virus”. (She said it much funnier than I do.)
I hate carrying any bag, purse or not, just for practical purpose. I tend to forget about them as soon as I put it down. Also not very convenient to dance with a bag, regardless of how it’s carried.
Helps that I’m a minimalist – except I still try to carry 2 cell phones wherever I go.
May 22nd, 2008 at 11:14 am
I’m with Grace Yip, jeans have pocket zippers?!
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:35 pm
I’m surprised lezzies have not single-handedly resurrected Roos (Kanga) from its “novelty shoe” status into a bigger, Subaru-esque popularity. the shoes with the little zipper pocket that we all went apeshit for in the 80′s? yeah man. i put my spare change in my powder blue Roos.
Agent Orange: 2 cell phone status is not really putting you in the minimalist category, eh? crackberryhead, you are.
Lula – bananas? what? link me.
May 25th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
::sigh:: the more i read these, the more convinced i am that i’m a lesbian (LOL). Oy vey.
; )
June 1st, 2008 at 10:37 pm
did a 5k yesterday with 2 straight girls. One had a back up plan to pick up the purse, the other came with a fanny pack. I wore shorts with pockets. In pockets – keys, id, cc, 20 dollar bill. i’m all set.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:10 am
Grace: I’ve been searching high and low for a pic of the dang banana bag (I even remember seeing some photos of a lesbian shindig with a woman wearing said object but now of course I can’t find the bloody thing).
Anyway, think half-moon or banana on a strap, slung across your breasts. That thing has been a life-saver for every possible occasion (although the black leather strap can get a little hot in summer and stick to your cleavage… Not that I’m complaining about the sensation per se…)
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:29 pm
a banana on a strap slung across my breastessess?
hmmmmmmm.
June 17th, 2008 at 3:58 am
oh rilly.
my femme sisters and i luv a good handbag–purses are for horses (at the track), dear.
carry on.
February 15th, 2009 at 12:56 am
The only bag I carry is a canvas bag I bought at a Tegan and Sara concert.
I think that’s pretty acceptable
July 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 am
i carry a backpack .. to avoid all of the pocket overload .. or i use my bestfriend’s purse [femme] .. haha .. but then ago .. dont all baby dykes nowadays wear backpackss
August 19th, 2009 at 6:28 am
this blog is so spot on. i usually try to minimize what i bring with me (keys, chapstick, wallet, phone, ipod) when i go out to avoid purse carrying, cramming said items into my jeans pockets and often bringing with me a zipping pocketed jacket even though i know i won’t need it, just for its storage – like a purse. i live in oregon, so i can get away with that. my mother does not understand my disinterest in purses, it is beyond her comprehension. she gave me a nice bag from northface for hanukah this year that has pockets and zippers and is water-repellant. it is so practical that, even though meant to suit an outdoorsie lifestyle, it also qualifies as a gay bag that it purse-ish, rather than a full on purse. so i’ve been using that instead, though i still keep jeans pocket cram. it’s who i am and the pockets are there for a reason
i’m so glad i came across this blog today. i love reading about stuff i like
June 15th, 2010 at 7:18 pm
Heh, I have a messenger bag type thing that I carry around everywhere and my mom always refers to it as a “purse”. It bothers me SO MUCH. I always tell her “IT’S NOT A PURSE, IT’S A BAG!” It’s nice to know that I’m not alone on this haha.