 | OMFG, AM I A HOARDER?By Grace Yip |
The television is rarely on in my house, but when it is, it’s always on some sort of trainwreck show like A&E’s Hoarders. Mental illness is no joke but I can’t help but sit there and wonder why these people can’t get rid of the crap that they have in their house. Some up of it straight up garbage, witness the lady who didn’t throw away any trash for a whole year. A&E will focus on a crazy cat lady at least once a month – with the prize going to the woman who had so many layers of crap in her house, she didn’t realized she had flattened, fossilized cats in her layers of crap.
Hoarders tend to freak out when someone wants to throw away their stuff. I don’t get it. How does one have so many feelings about that porcelain angel that some patient-who-you-don’t-remember gave you as a thank you gift? Or that cheap doll that was won at the carnival? Or a “Best Movies of 1987” guide? How fucked up are these jokers for holding on to such useless, valueless crap?
With each viewing of Hoarders, I’m compelled to clean house. For someone who tries to keep it simple, I have a lot of useless shit in my house. Useless shit that is not worth anything yet I can’t seem to get rid of because I have too many feelings about said objects. This makes me wonder… OMFG, AM I A HOARDER?!
I mean, seriously. Look at my fucking shit:
1.) Justin Timberlake and JC Chasez Bobblehead Dolls: I got these as a gag birthday gift in 1999 from a teammate who said “OMG THESE ARE TOTALLY YOU!!” Um, I think I was going through my boyband karaoke phase then (that I’m not quite out of) but that doesn’t mean I need fucking boyband bobblehead dolls. They are an eyesore. I hate them. Why do I keep them?
2.) Potato Pellet Gun: Uhhh what?
3.) Peanuts Collection GONE MAD: I’m embarrassed to take a picture of my home office because it is brimming with Peanuts paraphernalia. I have Peanuts pint glasses, shot glasses, stickers, comics, stuffed animals and figurines for all occasions. A cousin gave me these figurines, which was issued to commemorate a train station opening in Hong Kong. Charlie Brown and Lucy in train uniforms. Really? Also, thanks Mama Yip for bringing me back a Peanuts twin-sized comforter set from Hong Kong even though I own a queen-sized bed, am 30something years old and enjoy getting laid.
Sigh. I can’t get rid of this stuff. Am I a hoarder or not?
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May 7th, 2010 at 3:51 pm
As someone who personally knows at least 2 hoarders…NO. You may collect things, but unless it’s actually hazardous to you or your family, or you are collecting stuff that really DOESN’T have meaning (like phonebooks, and news articles about everyone you’ve ever met in your whole life, and craft stuff “just in case”, etc), and CAN’T get rid of things at all, it’s probably not a problem.
Everyone has packrat tendencies.
May 7th, 2010 at 10:10 pm
No, you’re not a hoarder, because all the things you posted pictures of are fucking amazing!
May 8th, 2010 at 6:46 am
….I just came on here to procrastinate cleaning my room, and am now horrified that my living space somewhat resembles the houses on that show. I’d take a photo… but I can’t find my camera in all the mess.
May 9th, 2010 at 10:22 am
my problem is that I am having a hard time parting with older books, cds and collectibles I have. Got rid of the vhs tapes though:)
May 9th, 2010 at 3:41 pm
Hey, just because A&E exploits mental illness for ratings doesn’t mean that you have to buy into it. Please don’t berate or belittle people with mental illness.
May 10th, 2010 at 9:49 am
My professional life is like an endless stream of Hoarders episodes. The sights and smells are burned into my consciousness. Let’s all sit down over a lovely beer and I’ll tell you stories!
May 10th, 2010 at 1:12 pm
I offer a solution.
Take the potato gun and shoot the boy band.
May 10th, 2010 at 4:34 pm
I’ve thought the same thing after watching that show.
It’s not so much sentimental attachment as it is the fact that I hate wasting stuff and abhor the idea of tossing shit into a landfill.
I have these grand ideas that saving all this cardboard (broken down and flattened, at least) with the ostensible plan of using it as fire kindling will spare space in the landfill.
I keep junk mail stashed next to the fireplace for the same purpose in the fear that someone will use it to steal my identity and run up a $3000 Sprint phone bill in my name.
Plastic 2 liters of Diet Coke my housemate empties will have some sort of garden use, likewise with the plastic grocery bags (because my attempts to get the house converted over to paper fell on deaf ears…), and I have years worth of clothes I won’t wear but somehow think will wind up being rags for the random times when I change the oil in the lawn mower.
Artwork that never gets put up on the wall, comic books that only get read once, books that never get read at all…
but yeah, you can see all the floors in the house and there’s no accidental taxidermy happening under my furniture, so I think I’m good.
For now.
May 11th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
“and craft stuff “just in case”,”
This phrase hits it right on the head. I’m currently helping a friend move across the country and am constantly amazed (well not anymore) at the things she will not throw away because she might use it “some day.”
20 pounds of framing nails, totally rusted (they just need to be cleaned)
1/2 used, dried out paint buckets (just add thinner, it will be fine)
A TV that hasn’t worked in 8 years (somebody just needs to fix it)
Hand tools that have no cord (i can add one, no problem)
2 pounds of moldy sequins for a dress that was never made (they’re so pretty)
5 artist notebooks filled with tic-tac-toe games (i played them with Tony (dead son))
A 8×4 wall hanging of an alien sunset with 3 holes in it (just patch it up)
The list goes on and on. Everything has a “next life” or an emotional connection. It just needs to be cleaned-up or someone can use it. Friends, neighbors, and Gold Star military moms have all come over to help and no one can convince her to throw away much. So right now she’s moving cross country with a very large truck full of junk. I’m praying that it gets lost in Nebraska.
May 11th, 2010 at 5:40 pm
And Melissa, I hate to say it, but you are one bad breakup from being on TV yourself. And I’d double check behind the bed for accidental taxidermy.
Saving all this cardboard – You will never light that many fires your whole life, and cardboard makes AWFUL fire starter.
Junk mail stashed next to the fireplace – Throw it in the fireplace
Plastic bottles will have some sort of garden use,
likewise with the plastic grocery bags – Do you even have a garden?
Years worth of clothes I won’t wear but somehow think will wind up being rags for the random times when I change the oil in the lawn mower. – How many lawn mowers do you own?
Artwork that never gets put up on the wall, – Salvation Army
comic books that only get read once – Used Book Store
books that never get read at all – EBAY!!!!
For now. – but not for long.
Best of luck.