 | Before Dana Fairbanks…By Grace Rooney |
When insomnia comes to visit me and I know sleep is nowhere in my future, I turn to good old Hulu to distract me. Well, lo and behold, The Bionic Woman Classic, 14 epiosdes of it are on Hulu. Some of you know that I am part bionic, and I still have a crush on Jamie Sommers. I was even in her fan club. Again, why didn’t anyone tell me I was gay then?
Now I fired up the pilot and watching the pilot unfold it occurred to me that Jamie Sommers was Dana Fairbanks before Dana Fairbanks was Dana Fairbanks. If it hadn’t been for that critical parachute injury, things might have been quite different for the bionic woman. She wouldn’t have had to “forget” she was “in love” with Steve Austin, she could have come to the conclusion she plays for our team. She was a professional tennis player before the accident. I think Dana was based on Jamie Sommers, not one of those REAL (I threw up a little bit in my mouth) L word ladies.
I am sure you are thinking, Rooney, it’s just a crush; Jamie Sommers isn’t gay. Well let’s look at the evidence. See that jogging suit? It is the closest thing to a rainbow they had at the time. I don’t think Skittles were even invented yet. You will have to go to Hulu yourselves and look at the length of her fingernails. In the pilot, they were lesbian length. She also has some features that are Dana-like from certain angles. She is a strong (no pun intended) independent woman. What does that equal? In my world, that equals gay.
Ok GTS readers, I leave it to you to deconstruct TV women of the past. Which of the Eight is Enough sisters was gay? Which TV woman of the past do you wish were gay and could climb through your TV set? (And, please, we ALL know Jo from The Facts of Life was gay.)
I can’t wait to see what you all can come up with!
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May 25th, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Kristy McNichol in “Family”, I mean her name was Buddy…hello. I share your crush on Jamie Sommers, I actually named my German Shepard Max after her dog on the show.
As for my dream one, Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman, she was from Paradise Island, all women, need I say more?
May 25th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
Mary Bradford was totally gay.
May 25th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
OMG i LOVED Mary Bradford and Sabrina Duncan from Charlie’s Angels.
May 25th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
Oh, definitely second Jo from Facts of Life.
I also think Cheetarah from Thunder Cats was gay.
Yes, I just busted out some Thunder Cats.
Do I need to implement the Sheera, too?
How about the Princess that rode in the blue lion (but had a pink uniform) on Voltron?
Lady J from GI Joe…(though we all know Baroness was where it was at)…
Yeah, I watched mostly “boys’” cartoons as a child…
May 25th, 2010 at 7:15 pm
She Ra, Princess of Power!
May 26th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Scully! Maybe, hopefully? She has a song about it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYRH85_5fMI Oh, or maybe Captain Janeway! Or maybe Misty from Pokemon. Yes, I realize all of mine are red-heads. :p
May 27th, 2010 at 9:36 pm
Good call, Melissa… Cheetara is soooooo on the money… total lesbo. While we’re speaking of cartoons though, I have to add Jem. Not only was she outrageous (truly, truly, truly, outrageous!), but she had the whole double identity (re: closet) thing going on, and an entire lesbian entourage. Not to mention the arch-enemy lesbian entourage, “the Misfits”… the whole show just oozed with gayness… i’m even pretty sure her boyfriend Rio was figuring himself out…
May 27th, 2010 at 11:07 pm
oh, and if we could see her now, I’m pretty sure Punky Brewster would be playing on our team too.
May 28th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
Have you seen Punky Brewster now that she’s all grown up?
Oh fuck yeah, we want her on our team.
.
.
.
And I submit for discussion Justine Bateman as Mallory Keaton on Family Ties.
Hell, since we already confirmed Meredith Baxter, why not just throw Tina Yothers on there, too?
May 28th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
Funny, I was thinking of Justine Bateman too! I dont know if it’s because I really thought she was gay, or because I wanted her to be. In any case, she’s definitely tossed the idea around in her head, at the very least.
Tina Yothers, yeah. terribly gay.