Drew Barrymore (who is definitely a straight girl lesbians like) once explained to Mary-Louis Parker (ditto) in Boys on the Side that lesbians “love uniforms.” And they do. The reasons are mysterious and unknown. Whether due to status, authority, or a sense of belonging, studies have shown that, in the eyes of lesbians, the simple act of wearing a uniform mathematically raises a woman’s hotness factor by at least 3 points on a scale of 10.

Knowing this, lesbians often want to be a uniform-wearer and are jealous of other lesbians who regularly get to wear uniforms. For instance, what’s the first thing my friends ask me about my karate classes? “Do you get to wear a uniform?!” And the first thing my prosecutor friend told me about her job? “I get to wear a suit and a badge!” And, when that gaggle of female police officers strolls into the local lesbian bar, because they always seem to have to “check things out” on Saturday nights, you can pretty much guarantee that within 2 minutes all eyes have already coveted those sharp blue uniforms. (Not to mention all those gadgets!)

In fact, if there weren’t a ban on gays in the military, I suspect that many a woman-loving-woman would join the armed forces in large part because of the uniform. Conceiving of a marketing/recruiting scheme would be easy: “The few. The proud. And did we mention the sweet uniform you get to wear?” But alas, until we are living in more tolerant times, lesbians will have to wait before lacing up those Army boots. *Cue laughter*

Unfortunately, the lesbian love of uniforms is a double-edged sword. Lesbians have been known to enter into ill-conceived relationships with women almost solely on the basis of seeing a woman in her hot Navy/firefighter/police/mail carrier uniform. The allure of a woman in uniform is strong, and you must remember that you are not always thinking rationally in the presence of a uniformed beauty. You should always resist your urges until the uniform-wearer is no longer wearing the uniform. At which point, I suppose, it’s already too late. Because, well… [insert stupid U-Haul joke].

(Disclaimer: Subjects in the photos may not be lesbians in real life. — Grace Chu)