 | Stuff Lesbians Like Part 120: MenBy Grace Brightman |
Hey, before you bust up you computer in anger at such an un-lesbian statement, I’m not saying that all lesbians secretly crave penis, cos I sure as hell know that I don’t! No, I’m talking about platonic relations with men, see? I mean that the whole stereotype of us hating men really is a load of crap. Maybe it was true once, when men held all the power and got married to our secret sweethearts in a move Anne Lister wisely called ‘legal prostitution’, but things are way better now, at least in the western thinking world (rest of the world, the minute I get to university I’m gonna set about changing all that sexist rubbish).
There are probably many reasons for then recent equality; evolution of common sense, the advancement of feminism (that radical notion that both sexes are equal), the amount of people who aren’t religious to name a few, and if you want to debate them, email me, but I’m just gonna discuss lesbians’ lack of man-hating sentiments here.
Now most of us will have one or more people who just happen to be males in our lives who we hate, but we certainly don’t go about spreading hatred for all men. From wear I’m standing, it’s actually straight girls who are guilty of this! Come on, how many films/TV programs/ books have a women who’s just broken up with her boyfriend/husband telling all her girlfriends how much she hates all men, and how she thinks they’re all dogs? How often would a lesbian find herself in that situation? Never.
We love the guys on our all gay sports teams, the guys we criticize movies with, the guys who have better fashion sense than us, the gay guys we go to bars with and the straight guys we have a mutual ‘what is it with women?’ moment with. In fact, lesbians really are the perfect friends for guys as there’s generally none of that awkward sexual tension crap that they can get with other girls or gay guys. If you find the right men, they can really brighten up your life.
Plus, quite a few of us have brothers, and if he’s of the decent kind, like my bro, you can have a great laugh once you get past the bitterness and jealousy of him being able to marry the girl of his dreams legally. So long as you guys make a pact never to steal each other’s girlfriends, it’ll be cool. He might even be the perfect wingman at family-ish events, such as weddings. Oh, the possibilities!
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July 19th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
I’m pretty tight with my dad, brother, a couple of male cousins, my girlfriend’s brother, the 3 guys in her band, and a few other dudes here and there. There was a time when I would go so far as to say that I thoroughly sought out and preferred male company, though I’m not so directly conscious of and deliberate with it now. I tend to overwhelmingly prefer men in music over the glut of R&B or folksy singer-song writer queens (I really, really wish women weren’t obligated to sing all pretty all the time and would like more women in rock to be like the Breeders).
All that said, I can’t say I agree with your statement that there’s no sexual tension to be had with male buddies, though. I haven’t had any fewer guys trying to hit on me since I’ve been out and open and almost always joined at the hip to my girl. If anything, some guys of my acquaintance have become more overtly obnoxious about it. You can’t allow a false sense of security to develop with it, either. I’m not trying to be conceited, but I’ve long since figured out that most of my male friends would totally sleep with me if I was willing, and that’s genuinely the case for most guys with female friends. That doesn’t mean that’s the one and only reason a man would be your pal, but it’s something that’s always going to be on his mind.
July 19th, 2010 at 6:40 pm
YES! I haven’t read it yet but it doesn’t matter: just thank you for bringing back this column on “things lesbians like”. I love you.
July 19th, 2010 at 8:49 pm
yes! of course. not to say that lesbians are like men, but men make great friends. There’s absolutely zero romantic/sexual tension, and they’re not afraid you’ll pounce on them (which is why straight girls scare me). Men don’t judge as much as girls can, they don’t notice your bad skin or how ugly you’re dressing, and they’re fine with silences in conversation, and they don’t care that you’re not quite as girly as girls are “supposed” to be.
July 20th, 2010 at 4:13 am
Sorry Melissa if you do have the sexual tension thing! Personally I’ve never experienced it, and the few lesbians I questioned hadn’t after they came out either. Maybe you’re just really hot
Luisa – Thanks for they declraration of love, and I have a few more ideas for parts of the colum so keep your eyes peeled the next few months
MC – completely agree with you there. What is it with straight girls and being pounced on?
July 21st, 2010 at 6:08 pm
Indeed it’s true. We do have things in common with men. I’m hoping i get to share a “what’s up with some women” moment with them. I wish i had a brother because i generally get on with males well but i don’t have a close male friend (anymore! You know the story there)
i love you more though. Just to clear that up
July 27th, 2010 at 2:50 pm
I have a best guy friend and i absolutely adore him…Im always joking that if i wasn lesbian i would marry him Lol…I have no sexual attraction to him or any of my other guy friends…But he is just so much easier to talk to, and i find that straight chicks are still quite prejudiced and almost scared of me…
)
But its cool i got my amazing best friend, he is a guy, and i wouldn trade him for anyone…
Not until i find my soulmate and marry her…(living in south africa is awesome that way
July 29th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
I always go with my sister’s boyfriend to see Angelina’s movies. None of the women in my life appreciate her like we do. And plus, he’s tall. Gets shit down off the cabinets. What’s not to like about that?
August 13th, 2010 at 10:36 am
My brother is one of my best friends( we often talk about girls we like and stuff) and I often hang out with my straight girlfriends boyfriends and we have really fun! talking about hot women and stuff. I have no problem about guy’s as long they don’t tuch me!
When I was a kid I hade lots of male friends in school and I still do, and the don’t treat me any diffrent from there other friends.
guys are great as friend and it is very calm and normal with them! women always like to judge and have a tendensy to talk to much sometimes.
I think you sould have both male and female friend and treat people like individuals rather then by there sexuallity!
August 18th, 2010 at 5:30 pm
Grace,
Was having some laughs about a new hair do for my g/f and somehow came across this article about lesbians hating or NOT hating men. I couldn’t help but be curious and finish reading it.
In a nut shell, I think you’re right. I’m a straight white guy, so here if goes. As you say on TV and in the movies, that’s all that women do, is tear down the no good bum of a husband or boyfriend for being what he is, or has done. Life is what it is.
As you recommend, I think little girls should be raised knowing good friendly gay boys are the only male species that can be trusted. This, all due to their lack of testosterone, most likely in addition too their value of femininety. Whether it in TV or reality gay life would be perfect. In essence, all of which you say is most likely correct.
Mike
March 17th, 2011 at 9:30 pm
guy (once they know the rules)r perfect friends. i actually feel more comfortable with guys than grls….n am a lesbian…jus call me irony
May 1st, 2011 at 4:32 pm
My best friend is a man. he is the most supportive and understanding person I know.
June 20th, 2011 at 1:34 am
I have an awesome father and brother, and I revered my grandfather so I’ve always had positive feelings about guys.
Since I’m a nerd I like mostly male-oriented stuff, anyway, (video games, paintball, heavy metal, horror movies) so usually my friends have been male, especially when I was in my late teens/early twenties.
I’m not super butch or anything, but I tend to learn towards masculine stuff. I have been hanging out with various kinds of lesbian groups lately, and the butch women tend to be the most fun if they aren’t the scary type that never smiles.
If anything, it’s the straight girls that have been the most annoying. They are the ones most likely to ask dumb questions about being a lesbian or make jokes about how you are checking out a women just because you look at her. Yes, every now and then I run into a creepy guy that wants a threesome and will not stop hitting on me, but guys for the most part are easy to get along with because they just like to do things instead of “processing” everything.
June 20th, 2011 at 1:35 am
Christ, I can’t spell tonight. Sorry about the errors.
September 16th, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Would you believe I stumbled across this article while looking for a present for my sister?
I think there’s a lot of truth to what you’re saying Grace.
I have excellent relationships with all the lesbians in my life.
Me and my sister get on even better since she came out some years back. We found out we’re more alike than we thought possible. I’m not with her on Helena Bonham Carter, but we both think Jessica Alba is smokin’ hot!
My cousin Michelle, is dating a women’s kickboxing championship hopeful – which is awesome! I’m hoping to find the time to stay with them for a bit so she can show me some moves
.
Me and my partner and my sister and our cousin and their partners go hit the clubs together about twice a month (we live reasonably close to each other.)
We have fun, get tipsy and chat for ages about all kinds of random things.
Also, recently a friend and colleague came out to me. I wasn’t mega shocked – there were signs (mostly that her “flatmate” was quite obviously her girlfriend!) She was quite surprised to find out that I’m bi though!
We also get on even better now we both know each other’s “secret”.
I never fancied her so I suppose that helps us get along, we’re both very like minded (filthy!) – big fans of innuendo. We don’t treat each other any different in the workplace, but privately we have a good giggle about things we’ve never talked about before.
I suppose it’s because behind my grizzly male exterior, I have a more feminine side than most men. I obviously lke to talk, and languages are my speciality – but I like to listen more, give advice where I’m able and can even (without wishing to seem like a traitor to my gender) talk about feelings if required.
I don’t know if that helps me relate on some level – but it certainly doesn’t seem to hurt with any of my LGB friends (sorry, don’t know any Ts).
I’ll conclude by saying “to each their own”
- and for the record, personally I would never KNOWINGLY hit on a lesbian anymore than I would a straight guy – I know it would be unwelcome, but I’m sad to see some guys and gals obviously don’t have any common sense. I hope that changes.
December 20th, 2011 at 1:03 pm
well thank god i found this article. i was wondering if my gay buddy was coming onto me but now i realize she just thinks im awesome. so there can be sexual tension between straight men and gay women if there’s a lack of communication.
March 26th, 2012 at 6:58 am
I have often seen articles relating to lesbians being hit on by men, but rarely do I see an article about a lesbian hitting on a man which is my case. As a straight male, I was very surprised to hear a lesbian that I know saying some of the things she said to me…While I was very aware that this girl preferred women, I was surprised to have her sitting next to me one day and telling me that she couldn’t figure out why but she was attracted to me. To be sure, we both are friends and I am thinking that it had something to do with the fact that when she first met me, I wasn’t trying to crawl all over her. She is a very sweet and cute girl but I am more of the type to respect people’s boundaries especially when it comes to things such as this. I certainly would not want a man trying to make a move on me, so I respected her stance on her own feelings. We were just sitting there and suddenly she moved very close to me and told me she was attracted to me…it almost seemed like out of the blue. I asked her why she was attracted to me and she honestly didn’t know…I find it a bit funny because in all the time before there never seemed to be any indication. The next thing I know, this girl just looked me in the eyes and leaned forward and laid a kiss on me. Not going to say I didn’t enjoy it because I most certainly did, but I think it was the sudden move of it all that had me kind of floored. The great thing is that it didn’t affect our friendship at all….and yes, we got intimate later but to this day we can still be around each other with no awkward feelings…..honestly, I can’t even say that about some straight females that I dated in the past because with some of them, they always seemed to have an awkward moment….lol. Amazing this happened and she and I are still close with no awkward feelings.
May 3rd, 2012 at 11:54 pm
I completely agree. Most of my friends were boys when i was growing up and to this day I still feel more comfortable being friends with men. We can talk about hot girls we like and what not. If I try talking to a straight girl about that she’ll just get grossed out and leave the room hahaha.
July 10th, 2012 at 9:27 pm
From personal experience, I can honestly say that the whole “man hating lesbian” persona is total bullshit. Over the years, I have worked with many lesbians. All of whom have been awesome to talk to and hang out with. Lesbians are definitely cooler to be friends with than straight women, and yes, it is fun to check out girls with lesbians. It makes for far less awkward situations when chillin’ with lesbians, and llittle to no sexual tension exists. It certainly puts a straight guy like me at ease and makes it more fun to hang out with women who enjoy checking out the same women I check out.