 | The Mall of America is a scary placeBy Grace Fox |
There should be a special clothing store for lesbians. In this magical shop, there would be no women’s clothes and men’s clothes. There would just be clothes – some for the girly girls, some for butches and some for everyone in between. The clothes would be stylish and there would be lots of friendly queer salespeople on hand to help you put a look together. There would be no straight people gawking at you if you dared to consider a shirt without ruffles. You could simply pick and choose your clothes based on what you like. Crazy, I know. Of course, we would also need a coffee bar and/or microbrewery. Clothes shopping would be fun! It would be relaxing! Every shopping trip would be successful!
The land where lesbian identity goes to die
I can tell you one thing for certain – such a shop does not exist at the Mall of America. I went to the mall by myself to buy a few shirts and, SIX hours later, I left with a cardigan and a white tank top. During that time, I was accosted by men dressed for the Renaissance fair. I saw people dressed as vampires. People pushed me and bumped me and didn’t even seem to notice. I was a tiny lesbian pinball in a giant hetero-mall pinball machine. In true Grace the Spot fashion, I live-tweeted the whole adventure. I was about ready to curl up in a ball in the music section of Barnes & Noble and listen to whale sounds when a friend sent me a message telling me that she would come and help me. At first, I said “no” but when the banjo playing men in kilts started dancing towards me, I said, “OH MY GOD! YES! PLEASE COME SAVE ME!” And she did. She patiently shopped with me for a couple more hours and, if it hadn’t been for her, I would have left completely empty-handed.
So, please – someone make an Andropologie* store. Please. I can’t go back to the Mall of America.
*A tip of the hat to @canihelpyousir for providing this perfect name.
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August 4th, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Such a place to shop would be so swell!
My tastes swing from girly to butch in a wide fucking arc, so last trip when I decided I needed shorts, I wound up in the Kohl’s dressing room with men’s camo cargo shorts and booty-cutters from the teeny bopper section. I wound up with a pair of both, along with some “sensible” cargo capris…because, you know, I like pockets, and have an aversion to purses…
August 4th, 2010 at 11:14 pm
Such a place doesn’t exist in the Twin Cities area? That’s actually kind of shocking.
August 5th, 2010 at 11:41 am
As a fellow Twin Cities denizen, I have also been lesbopinballed around the mall of america on many occasions. i want you to know that if i should ever strike it rich, investing in Andropologie is second on my list after paying off my student loans with Garda trucks full of pennies.
August 9th, 2010 at 5:32 am
In the Philippines there’s Radar Pridewear and it’s an “alternative” lifestyle clothing store
http://www.radarpridewear.com
August 13th, 2010 at 1:00 am
Yes! Please!
Shopping on both sides of stores is awkward. There is often an invisible wall between sections….
August 16th, 2010 at 11:01 am
Ahhh yes, I too often make the mistake of heading to the MOA to do some “quick” shopping. I went last week with the intention of getting two new pairs of shoes and after two hours of walking around with a mildly dazed look on my face I left with a pair of headphones I could have bought at a convenience store.
Though I also have the added bonus of being a woman of color who frequently dresses in baggy clothes and a hoodie (b/c the MOA is always too cold for me). So not only do I get the “But you’re in the Men’s section” stare, I also get the “Get your hands of the merchandise” death-look, sometimes both at once, which is kind of funny to watch.
I always shop Ragstock when I go out there, even though I live close to the one in Uptown, always seems to calm me down from the bright lights and 8 million different smells in the MOA.
August 17th, 2010 at 1:55 pm
[...] I read Grace Fox’s illuminating article on the horrors of the ‘Mall of America’ (is it just me, or does that name just sound [...]