There’s a new epidemic sweeping the lesbian population. No, it’s not something you contract after a “dental dam-less” sort of night. This highly contagious virus involves lightning fast fingers, a qwertykeyboard, and an unlimited cell phone plan. That’s right. It’s the one and only Lesbian Texting Syndrome.
Let’s face it. Lesbians love to text. It’s just encoded somewhere within our DNA along with a general love for organized sports and Indigo Girls. Walk into your local gay bar on any given night and you are guaranteed to spot at least a half dozen ladies doing the two thumbed texting tango. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this…
…Except for when texting becomes the sole means of communication. Every group has at least one member like this. Someone who is known for carrying their cell phone around like a security blanket and cannot manage to go more than five minutes without whipping it out to text.
While most of these offenders are well aware of their LTS and have developed coping mechanisms in order to deal with their affliction, there are still quite a few lesbians who are living in flat out denial. They simply refuse to fess up. Since Hillary has taught us that it takes a village, for those said few, here are some pointers:
Five Signs that You Might Be Suffering from LTS:
- You can manage to flirt, fight, and solve world peace in 160 characters or less.
- Your friends tag your cell phone on Facebook in group photos.
- Emoticons are your preferred method of expressing yourself.
- You refuse to leave your house without a back up battery and/or charger.
- You opt to text someone standing less than 10 feet away rather than actually talking to them.
So, if you find yourself answering yes to at least three or more of the above listed symptoms, you most likely have a raging case of LTS. Not to worry, though. There is a quick and easy cure. Simply, put down your cell phone and find something else your lightning fast fingers can work on… because, as everyone already knows, lesbians are naturally good with their hands.