Jul 24, 2008

Stuff Lesbians Like Part 49: Lesbian Texting Syndrome (“LTS”) By Grace O'Neill

There’s a new epidemic sweeping the lesbian population. No, it’s not something you contract after a “dental dam-less” sort of night. This highly contagious virus involves lightning fast fingers, a qwertykeyboard, and an unlimited cell phone plan. That’s right. It’s the one and only Lesbian Texting Syndrome.

Let’s face it. Lesbians love to text. It’s just encoded somewhere within our DNA along with a general love for organized sports and Indigo Girls. Walk into your local gay bar on any given night and you are guaranteed to spot at least a half dozen ladies doing the two thumbed texting tango. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this…

…Except for when texting becomes the sole means of communication. Every group has at least one member like this. Someone who is known for carrying their cell phone around like a security blanket and cannot manage to go more than five minutes without whipping it out to text.

While most of these offenders are well aware of their LTS and have developed coping mechanisms in order to deal with their affliction, there are still quite a few lesbians who are living in flat out denial. They simply refuse to fess up. Since Hillary has taught us that it takes a village, for those said few, here are some pointers:

Five Signs that You Might Be Suffering from LTS:

1. You can manage to flirt, fight, and solve world peace in 160 characters or less.
2. Your friends tag your cell phone on Facebook in group photos.
3. Emoticons are your preferred method of expressing yourself.
4. You refuse to leave your house without a back up battery and/or charger.
5. You opt to text someone standing less than 10 feet away rather than actually talking to them.

So, if you find yourself answering yes to at least three or more of the above listed symptoms, you most likely have a raging case of LTS. Not to worry, though. There is a quick and easy cure. Simply, put down your cell phone and find something else your lightning fast fingers can work on… because, as everyone already knows, lesbians are naturally good with their hands.

12 Responses to “Stuff Lesbians Like Part 49: Lesbian Texting Syndrome (“LTS”)”

1. Sandra D. Says:
   July 25th, 2008 at 10:49 am

   LTS is horrible! I don’t understand why women have such a hard time just picking up the phone anymore!

2. tuffdawg04 Says:
   July 25th, 2008 at 4:14 pm

   i agree … if you need to type me a book … pick up the phone and have a real live human conversation with me … i think the worst has to be texting tough guys … big and bad through texting but punk ass b*atches to your face … glad someone finally wrote a blog about this one!!!

3. cc Says:
   July 25th, 2008 at 5:30 pm

   lol, is there a support group? I can put the phone down, but I can’t seem to walk away.

4. Grace O'Neill Says:
   July 25th, 2008 at 6:23 pm

   Thanks!!! I have tried many of times to quit cold turkey… never has worked. lol. Instead, I operate under the “texting in moderation” rule. If I am out with friends, I only allow myself to check my texts one time per hour and it’s always on vibrate

5. jul Says:
   July 31st, 2008 at 9:39 am

   I think I might have a case of LTS (lesbian text syndrome)…my hands text even when I’m sleeping….or talking…or, well, doing anything….

6. chris Says:
   December 15th, 2008 at 8:50 pm

   Ok, um, sorry to end your stereotypical fun but everyone texts? This is so not a lesbian thing. You must not know many teenagers..or, wait, people in general.

   And do you really wanna keep perpetuating the notion that lesbians like the Indigo Girls? Is it really still 1994 or something? And organized sports is a joke. Last time I looked, gay girls don’t fancy watching a bunch of guys run around and get sweaty together.

7. Eth Says:
   January 14th, 2009 at 3:55 pm

   Me and my girlfriend are terrible at this – before we both got unlimited plans, the combined bill was £125 one month >_>

8. Erika Says:
   April 21st, 2009 at 1:47 am

   First step is admitting to it right?

   Hi, my name is Erika, and I have Lesbian Texting Syndrome.

9. LiAnne Says:
   April 27th, 2009 at 6:53 pm

   you sound sexy can we like meet up sometime at like a bar and if we can dress in short short skirts and a sexy shirt k??? seya there at the alibi

10. Charlotte Says:
    October 14th, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    I hate hate hate texting!

11. tiffany Says:
    April 15th, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    [This comment has been deleted.]

    Editor’s Note: Don’t put other people’s personal information on this site. I can see your IP address. I have no problem turning it over to the authorities.

12. tiffany Says:
    May 6th, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    i am single, nice, and need a gf no girl ever gave me a chance.

Leave a Reply