 | Only the wrong kind of lesbian would like the following theatrical trailer.By Grace Chu |
Here’s a dirty secret. Virtually all lesbians are “the wrong kind of lesbian.” The wrong kind of lesbian checks out the cover of Maxim at the supermarket, thought the scene in Coyote Ugly where the bartenders were dousing each other with water was really fucking hot, wouldn’t throw Britney Spears circa 2001 out of bed, and she might even have a few Playboy mags stashed in her room somewhere. The problem is that everyone is afraid of the “right kind of lesbian,” so lesbians, when they speak in public about such things, tend to hedge and say things like “Wow, this is so exploitative!” “The media’s representation of women is really shabby!” or “What heterosexist dreck!” and hope that they avoid a public flogging from the few “right kind of lesbians” who give a rat’s ass.
With that being said, press play. You know you want to, no matter what you say in public to preserve your reputation.
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That was a parade of awesome. And yes, hot. Hot. So. Very. Hot.
Bitch Slap opens this Christmas and has been described as “a post-modern, thinking man’s throwback to the ‘B’ Movie/Exploitation films of the 1950′s – 70′s as well as a loving, sly parody of the same.”
Basically, a copywriter was asked to write that tripe to make the film acceptable to the “right kind of lesbian,” because, see… when gratuitous cleavage is viewed through a “post-modern” lens, suddenly it becomes acceptable. (And yes, straight people can be “the right kind of lesbian.” See, for example, emo/hipster boys who wear Fidel Castro hats.) Using the word “post-modern” to describe otherwise unacceptable films, television shows, music or books allows lesbians to appreciate their guilty pleasures publicly — without fear of being humiliated by other lesbians.
Example:
- Saying that you genuinely liked the film Showgirls = Lesbian short bus.
- Appreciating the film Showgirls from an “ironic,” “post-modern” point of view = Lesbian Nobel Prize.
Please. Cut the crap. Embrace boobs for what they are. There is no reason to have to appreciate boobs ironically. Boobs are wonderful. Blowing shit up is fun. Chicks with guns are hot.
Hot.
And you know it. Now press play again, and don’t be ashamed.
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August 1st, 2008 at 8:24 am
Holy cleavage, Batman! That just made my morning
August 1st, 2008 at 9:28 am
Oh my God this is awesome. I mean….awesome.
I’m not ashamed to be the “wrong kind of lesbian”….I know I am. I like breasts, I like a nice tight bottom, I like chicks parading around in heels, dresses and guns, making out gratuitously, and I love this action flick.
I know what I want for Christmas this year.
Thank you Grace…you understand what women want.
August 1st, 2008 at 10:28 am
So what does that make the new Frank Miller-ized “Spirit,” which appears to be all about the Spirit’s attractive co-stars?
August 1st, 2008 at 12:12 pm
this will be the best christmas present ever!
August 1st, 2008 at 12:44 pm
chu you never cease to amaze me…yes HOT HOT HOT HOT…AND MAKING OUT HOT!!! holy yummy boobies batman!!
August 1st, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Wow, if this is wrong, I don’t ever want to be right! Short bus please!
August 1st, 2008 at 4:53 pm
So wait… What kind of a lesbian am *I* if the slight boob jiggle at 00:36/01:20 made me go “eeww”?
‘scuse me, I’ll go and listen some Tegan and Sara, that ought to gay me back again.
August 1st, 2008 at 5:25 pm
That was AWESOME. Thank You!
August 1st, 2008 at 6:22 pm
You are hysterically funny.
And boobs are awesome!
August 2nd, 2008 at 2:31 pm
you know i love the boobs. and I am SOOOO the “wrong” kind of lesbian. I know what I want, and I want this movie for christmas. sooner, if possible. and i liked the scene in Wild Things, too, so :-p…………………………………………………..
August 5th, 2008 at 11:56 am
i enjoy boobs and woman just as much as the rest of you … but pushed up jacked up fake ones that look like you can poop them with ap in dont really excite me … lol … their bodies are still slammin though
August 5th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Oh HELL yes, you are coming in loud and queer!
I don’t EVER want to be “the right kind of lesbian” again. I do love the boobs, blowing stuff up is GREAT and chicks with guns are HOT! Besiden, women who choose to use their boobs and uhh, let say “charm”, have ALL the power, so even the feminist part of me can accept that I’ll always be the wrong kind of lesbian.
August 7th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
BOOBS!
Er, uh… I mean… how very postmodern.
August 7th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
And yes, girls+guns=hot.
August 7th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
So this looks WAY better on my desktop than on the dinky phone screen. But hey, I don’t even have a dinky phone screen, so who am I to bitch. And I am going to totally OUT DYKE ALL OF YOU!!! I am the BEST kind of lesbian, and do you know why?!! Do you?!! Tell me who you recognize as the blond guy with lots of blood, helped the girls out of the car (at :58-59, 1:10, 1:23…). C’mon, if you’re a REAL lesbian, you’ll know, because you’ll have seen him oh-so-many times before, as you watch for yummy subtext-as-text! Oh, I so rock. You should have a contest to see who knows. And then give me the prize because I already know.
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:26 pm
No one’s playing… You all suck. :-p
anyway, the guy is….
Iolaus from Xena/Hercules!!! Michael Hurst…
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:30 pm
i tried but i couldn’t get his face lol then i forgot
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Nette, yeah, those boobs will erase your memory just like that.
Now allow me to go fan myself for a bit and then press play again and again and again…
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:16 pm
By the way, Lucy Lawless is also in this shenanigan.
August 24th, 2008 at 2:37 am
^Which is pretty much the only reason why I’ll be watching this.