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Grace Underfire

Stuff Lesbians Like Part 86: Board Shorts

By

Editor’s note: Remember to vote for Grace The Spot here.
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Lesbians love board shorts. While shopping for Christmas gifts in Pacific Sunwear WAY back in 2008, I ran into a few dyke-a-likes in the board short section. When I was walking around Long Beach, I noticed a group of lesbians wearing plaid board shorts as they gave me the head nod of solidarity. At the bar, plaid shorts and long skate shorts also seem to ring true as a calling card for the sapphic sisterhood. They are everywhere. It’s a lesbian phenomenon.

Forget the trendy haircut or the wallet chain. You can also leave your baseball caps at home. These shorts cross all barriers. Board shorts are freedom personified. They are roomy, have ample pockets for the things one would normally use a purse for, and they can be made for swimming at a moment’s notice. They can come in styles that go beyond the board: Cargo, Skate, and Skinny. Each can be used as swim trunks or they can be land use only. Baggy cargo, skate, and board shorts are usually reserved for the chapstick lesbian or the dykes. The skinnier you get with your shorts, the more you move toward those of the femme persuasion or the straight girl who wishes she could be as cool as the lesbians that she is friends with.

There are no rules with the shorts; they can come in all colors and sizes. Plaid, floral, striped, or plain, it doesn’t matter. You just need a pair. Trust me – they will change your life and your cargo space.

(Warning: As board shorts might be regional in their popularity, necessity is up to the individual lesbian. What applies in CA might not apply in PA. Results may vary.)

11 Responses to “Stuff Lesbians Like Part 86: Board Shorts”

  1. Grace Chu Says:

    I didn’t even know what board shorts were, so I had to Google it. I hope the graphic is correct. Please don’t revoke my lesbian card!

  2. Ren Says:

    Board shorts have a long, long history in dyke fashion. During my archival research on Boston’s gay scene in the 1950′s I came across an interview with a woman who said she could always identify a “Beacon Hill lesbian” by her Bermuda shorts.

  3. Vikki Says:

    No board shorts in Minnesota this time of year. My gf bought a pair in Portugal last year, though.

  4. Laura Says:

    I definitely wear board shorts. They’re of the more femme-y variety, but I wear them.

  5. Grace O'Neill Says:

    Good call! I own a few pairs myself and they are a staple during the summer… I especially love my ones with the “O’Neill” logo!

  6. Julie Says:

    As I see to be conforming to stereotypes like crazy lately I have to say I love board shorts. On my first trip abroad with my gf I bought a blue and white floral pair and they practically had to be surgically removed when I got home. Still have them (now resisting the temptation to dig them out of the wardrobe and test out if board shorts can also become jogging shorts??)

  7. Trish Says:

    I bought an entire board short wardrobe for my trip to Mexico in November!! Glad to know I was keeping up with my kind!

  8. Cole Says:

    I have a few pairs of these myself. They go well with another strange lesbian phenomenon: The hemp and/or pukka shell necklace.

  9. Grace Says:

    You can’t go wrong with board shorts.

  10. Queersilver Says:

    Board shorts are the bomb especially in the tropics such as here in the Philippines. They could be your everyday city shorts and definitely aces function and style on the beach.

    I love board shorts with tank tops or a bikini top. They hide my thighs and hips too, which I’m so not confident with. The ironic thing is that most cuts are not friendly with girls like me who got little waists and wide hips. It becomes loose on the waist and skimpy on the hips so find the perfect pairs.

  11. Grace the Spot | Dodgeball Anyone? Says:

    [...] Dodgeball tournament at Asbury Park, NJ.  So, if you’re in the area, grab your boardshorts and wifebeaters, and come cheer us on! [...]

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