 | Blame the BMXBy Grace O'Neill |
True story: When I was five, I finally outgrew my Pretty Pretty Princess bike – the Easter Bunny’s choosing, not mine—and it was time for an upgrade. So my mom and I headed on down to the local Toys R Us where I proceed to bypass the streamers and baskets and cirque-de-soleiled my little body around the baddest BMX bike I could find. Now, I’d like to think I was very level-headed and diplomatic with my arguments on why I should be allowed to have a bike built for a 12-year-old boy but after reviewing some of my home videos know that that’s the furthest thing from the truth.
Needless to say, I left the store that day with the bike of my dreams and my mom left the store with the nagging suspicion that there were Ani Difranco concerts and numerous softball games in her pig-tail clad daughter’s future.
Let’s face it. Most of us were very gay little kids. While we may have owned a Barbie or two, we probably didn’t play with her the way it was intended. Instead of dressing her in the latest accessories and putting her in her cruiser for a night on the town with Skipper and the girls, most of us opted to give her a buzz cut and make her the makeshift star in our own pre-Demi version of G.I. Jane. When we would rather play video games and smash Transformers than brush our My Little Pony’s mane, we should have known something was up. But, to our eight and 10 year old selves, this was all normal child’s play.
Alas today, as we are forced to look at tagged grade school photos of ourselves on friends’ Facebook pages, our adult selves realize what we should have known all along. But, as Grace Underfire astutely reminded us, everyone knows we were a lesbian long before we were ready to admit it.
Here are some five would-have-been-really-helpful signs that we were Dykes to Be:
- Legos and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were on the top of your x-mas list.
- At least one of your Halloween costumes included a sword and/ or a cape.
- You attended some sort of sleep-away camp (bonus points if it was a sports camp).
- You had an unhealthy obsession with DJ Tanner, Punky Brewster, and Blossom.
- Umbros, over-sized t-shirts, and overalls were your wardrobe staples.
Whether you subscribe to the nature or nurture school of thought, the signs are always there. It just comes down to if you choose to acknowledge them or not… and as in the case of my mom, she fully blames the BMX bike.
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February 24th, 2009 at 12:21 am
hated barbie but loved my little pony – had more to do with my passion for horse back riding than being girly though … my family always says we should have known when i wanted to be rainbow brite for halloween … i had the baddest homemade costume … way better than the store bought ones they make now
February 24th, 2009 at 12:34 am
Hahaha, oh man! That list was spot on – I definitely checked all of them except for number four. Loved umbros, had multiple pairs of overalls, and I still wear t-shirts from grade school (that fit comfortably now) because I used to always get the biggest size! Thanks for the laugh. If only someone had clued me in sooner…
February 24th, 2009 at 2:20 am
1. I had all the turtles. Not gonna lie.
2. Truthfully can’t remember a costume that had either, or anything similar. But for “Great Expectations” day in eighth grade, I dressed up as Pip.
3. Does Girl Scout camp count? And does it count more if half the girls would crawl into my bunk because I was the only one not scared of the great outdoors?
4. Yeah, Punky Brewster…
5. In one of my high school senior pics I’m wearing a pair of overalls. I still sleep in a pair of Umbros on occasion.
February 24th, 2009 at 2:38 am
Eesh. I remember having a similar discussion/argument with my mom regarding the bike I would end up riding. The result turned out to be a compromise- a BMX bike. In a nice, girly lavender. Geez, maybe she knew even then… (Then, as in 1986.)
February 24th, 2009 at 2:51 am
I feel like I actually played with my Barbies “properly,” though I do remember making them cross dress on occasion. There we’re nearly enough boys; I think that Matel has a secret agenda. I have a friend who used to dip her Barbies in chocolate and then lick it off. I think that’s really classy.
My over-sized t-shirts from elementary school fit me now too. It’s really rather convenient.
February 24th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
The old pictures are always a dead giveaway. I have a pic of me at 4 in full boxing gear. No shirt, boxing gloves and buggs bunny punching bag. My sis put ribbons in my hair because she said I needed something girly! That boxing gear is still my fav christmas present ever!
February 24th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Maybe it’s an age thing, but I had an unhealthy obsession with Jo Polniaczek on The Facts of Life. I had all these little daydreams about going on a motorcycle ride with Jo, but I never had my own motorcyle. Go figure.
Anyway, this post really hits home. When I came out, my mother’s response was a sarcastic “NO! Really?” followed by “Sweetie, have you met yourself? I knew you were gay in elementary school.” Apparently, everyone did. Why couldn’t they have told ME. It would’ve saved me a lot of time.
February 24th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Oh, no, I HATED _boy_ things. I had Barbies, and My Little Ponies, and never enough of them. I am to this day scarred by the fact that I didn’t get a Jenny Gymnast doll. I STILL–well–I am in a pink shirt, with stars on my PJ pants, under a pink & green quilt made for me, looking at other pink stuff around my room, typing on my pink laptop, wishing I had a magic mirror (a nice one).
I don’t do my hair (even though it’s frizzy as hell) or wear makeup (even though I still, at 21, have some hardcore acne), or really even shower unless I must. So I’m hardly a lipstick lezzie. But, man, I own Disney Princess sheets. Purchased at the age of 19. Unironically.
Just saying…some of us still get, “you’re a WHAT? But you wore a pink dress WITH A [short] TRAIN, dyed-to-match heels, and a frikkin TIARA to your prom!”
February 25th, 2009 at 12:18 am
I hated barbies but people would give them to me anyways. I would take all of their clothes off and sometimes pop their heads off too, so I had a box full of naked, headless barbies.
February 25th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
I second Abby Spice — there were no particular “signs” in childhood for me that I was gay; I was girly and liked dolls and playing house and doing little-girl things. I wasn’t hardcore or punkish or badass, and I was not rough-n-tumble like the little boys. I was a Girl-capital-G.
Gay doesn’t equal Boyish, and it’s that widespread stereotype that led me to be so frickin confused all through college, like, wait, they tell me I need to be this-and-this-and-this if I’m gay, but I’m not, so I can’t be gay!! But I <3 chicks! WHAT?!?!?!
Best early sign that I was gay? I had huuuuuuge crushes on girls from the age of 9. So I was still a “very gay little kid” even though I was (…and still am…) a TOTAL girl.
February 25th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Totally agreed Alphafemme… being gay doesn’t always equal being a tomboy and it’s a hard stereotype to get past. Although I fit the stereotype to a tee, I have numerous gay friends who are extremely girly and I love the fact that they go against the common pre-conceived notions of a standard lesbian… That’s why I included #4
February 25th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
I was the Lone Ranger for Halloween in kindergarten. The teacher made us to go to the 1st grade classroom and show off our costumes – that’s when I was introduced to the concept of gender roles. Ah, there’s nothing like a room full of 1st graders pointing and laughing at you; good times.
However, I think my mom must have been just as confused about my gender and sexuality as I was because she sent all kinds of mixed messages. I think it’s awesome that she didn’t force me to wear a girlie costume or stop me from playing football with the boys or cutting my hair short or anything like that, but then when I came out she was absolutely gobsmacked. Of course, she is completely batshit, so I feel like in trying to understand her, I was at a disadvantage from the start.
March 12th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
What’s really weird about my elementary experience is that all my friends were hardcore tomboys. You would think Adidas was the only company making girls’ shoes by walking into our 5th grade class room. My buddies played at least two sports every season, they tackled people, they watched Ninja Turtles, they mocked me mercilessly when I wore a skirt on the first day of class. I felt totally suffocated because all I wanted to do was write lovelorn poetry and stuff my bra with tissues. I caused a big scene one day by chasing the butchest tomboy of them all around the playground trying to put hot pink lipstick on her. Was I gender normative, or GAY?! Fifteen years later, the butch tomboy and I are the only queers from that class. The umbros-wearing soccer stars are totally boring straight girls.