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Grace Underfire

Stuff Lesbians Like 98: Weightlifting

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Step 1: Gear up! Pop on the Adidas shorts, lace up the sneakers, grab the iPod, phone, and keys
Step 2: Sign-in to gym
Step 3: Put on lifting gloves
Step 4: Walk by the straight males in the weight room and pop two 45lb weights on the bench for your warm-up.
Step 5: Play The Butchies on your iPod
Step 6: Lift and smile! You’re a big old dyke and proud of it.

Dykes love weightlifting. Lesbians love the gym, but dykes have a special room they call their own. It’s a room of pure simplicity. The floors are padded with gray sponge-like flooring. The colors are usually black and silver with maybe a little red. There are mirror  everywhere to see how your muscles are progressing. There are no pictures or mechanisms to help you out. It’s just you, the free weights, and loud music playing in your ears. It’s pure nirvana. Even with all the pluses listed above, the element that makes weightlifting dyketastic has to do with the men you are displacing while practicing your awesomeness. What men don’t realize is that we own the weight section. We are better at it than you. We never over-extend. We lift safely. We come in numbers. Plus, we are not afraid to show you up when the ladies walk by.

Weightlifting is meditation for dykes. After a long day of construction, Home Depot visits, watching Top Chef, and hanging at the brewpub with friends, there is nothing better than lifting weights to mellow out. There’s also no form of processing or therapy that can equal pushing your body to the limit. If you are angry or sad, add ten pounds to either side. After doing 5 reps, there are no more problems. It’s a fix-all. *enter Lotus position* Om…

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy the cardio on occasion, but it doesn’t leave me feeling fulfilled like lifting 300+ on the leg press. For total fulfillment, I need to push my body past its limits. Cycling on my road bike or longboarding on my 46″ skateboard can’t give me that. It’s just not the same. There’s something about seeing the number of pounds, imagining how heavy it is, then defeating your expectations or imagination by lifting it multiple times. Just thinking about it makes me want to hit the gym again. All my problems float away in that room. Plus, my wife thinks it’s hot. How can you argue that?

If you haven’t done it, go out there and give it a try. Take a dyke-in-the-know with you and push yourself past what you think you are capable of. Let her set the weight for you and be surprised at what you can do. If you don’t leave the gym feeling good, then you can tell me I am crazy, but I know it’s going to change your life. Plus, after going a few times, your smug smile will increase and the looks will start coming from the men who think they own the room. Then you can smile and chalk one more point up for dyke superiority.

11 Responses to “Stuff Lesbians Like 98: Weightlifting”

  1. Becky Says:

    Sorry, I don’t have time to read this article–I have to get to the gym.

  2. Jul Says:

    Have to tell you…I’m not butch at all, and I’m at the gym 24/7.

    Maybe I’m a femme gym bunny? A femme/athletic chick? Whatever, I’m there, and I’m in the weight room. Truth is, for women who are thin (like me), you can lift all the weights in the world and not get huge – think Kelly Ripa muscles – I can flex my biceps, and I’ve got a 6 pack (well, it’s more like a 4 pack right now..). I watch my diet and I love the results.

    It’s not about showing up the guys for me, or about being tough…us sporty femme chicks like to rock a bikini….and lifting weights, getting definition and keeping a tight bottom requires I keep myself in the gym often. weight gloves, ipod and all….oh..and sometimes, some pilates.

  3. Michelle-Amaya Says:

    Weightlifting is awesome. I’m pretty sure I have some addiction to it. It sounds weird but I feel all giddy inside just adding more weights and trying to push my limits… mm just thinking about it makes me want to go work out too.

  4. Becky Says:

    I swooned reading this. Love checking out the dykes in the weight room – so confident, so precise, so HOT – as i do my cardio. This was one of my favorites thus far.

  5. Kristin Says:

    I like weightlifting fine and I do it because it’s great for my body, but I’m more the femme/sporty type, you’re much more likely to find me running or hiking than lifting weights.

  6. CN Says:

    A great post…there’s nothing quite as cathartic as pushing yourself then pushing yourself some more. It’s the same sort of “brink of failure” rush that long-distance runners achieve after pushing past the wall (which of course isn’t really going to be found in a typical cardio session.)

    You achieve a mind-body-enlightenment connection during a point of physical exhaustion that you can’t really get any other time…while some might claim it is blood being drawn away from the brain coupled with the huge amounts of endorphins, when you are in the zone it seems like the exact opposite–I feel incredibly focused on the moment and hyper-aware.

    I just, personally, don’t buy into the “meet hyper-competitive macho behaviour with hyper-competitive-overcompensating-macha bravado”. I find the “guys club” attitude that uncomfortably drives women from regular fitness clubs into places like Curves is already reprehensible enough…so why perpetuate the same exact “hey look how much I can military press–and check out how many heads I can turn!” attitudes?

    Everyone is free to have whatever gym attitude they like, for certain, but for me filling the role of narcissistic muscle-head poseur isn’t breaking any sort of social glass ceilings or representing empowerment–it’s just self-conscious role-swapping. Being at the gym means being in public, so psychologically the “see and be seen” aspect of it is going to be integral to the experience…but it doesn’t mean we have to pander to it.

  7. T Says:

    I must admit I love the gym…It’s my beer and smoke at the end of a stressful day with the kiddies (school)…It gave me confidence after losing 50+ pounds and now keeping it off…I love catching the guys stare because they are surprised that sometimes I lift more than them…When I do get to lift I love it…Days that I don’t lift I don’t look forward to going to they gym…So ladies…HIT THE GYM!!!You will feel great.

  8. Amanda Says:

    So true, so true.

  9. Leah Says:

    The comments here are resonating with my experiences and opinions on weightlifting. Even though I am a beginner weightlifter, the feeling that I am leftover with is very similar to how I feel after I am done meditating. I am a spiritual person and I have engaged in various forms of meditation; thus, I can honestly say that there is a connection there with weightlifting. It can be very personal and satisfying. Plus, who doesn’t like it when people, especially women, check you out while you’re working out? It’s the greatest self-esteem booster. Weightlifting (and cardio) calms my anxiety and gives me confidence at the same time. While many people may drink a beer or two at the end of the day, I find that weightlifting is my drink of stress relief, body and confidence building all in one. Now, I just have to figure out how to hit on this girl at the gym…haha.

  10. Banif Fitness Center Says:

    Great, right artificial, specially from the major news corperations with the big slants to the left or right. Did you see last nights Hanity and Colmes? haha, that was hilarious! Sorry, I’m rambling along again. Have a Great 1!

  11. La S.O.P. Says:

    My LAX teammates go to the gym every Wednesday. When they ask me how I’m so fit, I reply that I go to the gym every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday – in addition to our 3+ hours of hardcore six days a week. No damn wonder they ask me for help more often than they ask coach! haha.

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