From a gchat session:

5:38 PM [friend]: if you don’t post about how hott that last L Word episode was, i might reach across and slap you. yes, it was borderline smut, but DAMN.

Yes, the extended fornication montage was quite “hott,” but one part of the scene left both Rosen and me wrinkling our noses.

So here is the latest L Word Season 5 Mystery. Towards the end of the episode, Molly calls Shane and asks her to come over, and okay… let’s just get to the point. Shane shows up, pops Molly’s cherry and goes down on her. Then immediately after the act, Shane kisses Molly passionately, and Molly burbles and smiles, triggering the following exchange between Rosen and me.

Rosen: Ew! Nisht gut! I think it’s time for another “Season 5 mystery” post.
Me: I’m on it.

Let me tell you about a magical place called “Porn Fantasy Land.” In Porn Fantasy Land, all bodily secretions taste and smell like hot chocolate and marshmallows. For example, in Porn Fantasy Land, stuff like this (link not safe for work) causes the recipient to grin broadly and ask for more, whereas, in the land called “The Real World,” any attempt at such an act would most likely cause the guy (or female strap-on wearer) to receive an immediate kick to the head and to be slapped with a sex embargo.

Although the act shown in The L Word was not unsanitary (unlike the act mentioned above), Molly’s enthusiastic reaction to the tongue kiss immediately after cunnilingus still exists in Porn Fantasy Land, taking into account the circumstances. First, it was 100 degrees in Los Angeles that day. The scene took place at night, after both parties had time to accumulate copious amounts of crotch sweat. Second, Molly was a newbie, and newbies are especially sensitive to odd smells and tastes, especially their own. Third, both of them were sober, so the olfactory version of “beer goggles” was not in effect.

Listen, I don’t care how hot you are for someone. After a day of not showering in 100 degree weather, the pudenda smells funky and just plain NASSY, okay?

Sorry for ruining the “hott”ness of the scene, but here’s the entire montage o’ sex anyway, which is TOTALLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK. (Note: The sound cuts out halfway through, but it’s 2:45am Eastern Time, so I’m really not in the mood to troubleshoot, but you don’t need sound anyway — sound is for the weak and unimaginative. However, if you really can’t deal with the silence, go to iTunes, download some Marvin Gaye, play said Marvin Gaye track during the video, and shut the hell up.)