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As we all know, lesbians as a group are technophiles and love to process. Consequently, we often suffer from the affliction known as lesbian texting syndrome. After all, we are also efficient, so getting our point across in 160 characters or less is second nature.

We flirt, define our relationships, fight, make up, and even break up via text message. And yes, we even have sex via text message, otherwise known as “sexting.” Phone sex? Please. That’s so 1990s. (Note: The exception to this rule is Skype sex, which, like the recent resurgence of form-fitting flannel, gives a modern spin to a concept that is otherwise passé.)

Furthermore, thanks to the recession, which has resulted in the mass downsizing of the workforce, those who are or would otherwise be in the workforce fall into two categories: the overworked and the unemployed. Those who have kept their jobs are doing their own work and the work of those who have been laid off (but are still making the same amount as before) – and those who have been laid off aren’t doing anything and are making bupkis. The overworked basically live at the office, so even if they wanted to have real sex (or phone sex) they cannot, and the unemployed have no money to go on dates or take cabs to respond to booty calls.

Thus, sexting has become a necessity in this most difficult time.

Earlier today, I posed the following question on Twitter:

Lesbians are naturally good with their hands, so I figured we would be equally skilled and have the same amount of stamina either in person or via SMS, especially since QWERTY keyboards have become standard on mobile devices. However, almost 100% of the respondents reported that sexting was much more taxing on the digits.

Here is an interesting observation by @Tweetsbian:

Finally, @Curlymcdimple of Ham and Cheese on Wry  provided an explanation.

Eureka! Lesbians are known for taking grammar very seriously. Even though expressing our thoughts in 160 characters or less is a breeze, lesbians will always be tempted to edit and re-edit our texts to appear wittier and more enlightened.

Ladies, here’s some advice. Channel the spirit of e.e. cummings. Despite being a “rich heterosexual white dude,” the scourge of “enlightened” lesbians everywhere, poet e.e. cummings always got his point across sans capitalization and punctuation. e.e. cummings would have been a master of Twitter and text messaging. Alas, he was born in the wrong era.

Forget form. Embrace function. And “cummings” without finger cramps shall follow.

This has been a public service announcement.