 | HairstylesBy Grace O'Neill |
Pop quiz. What’s the easiest way to spot a fellow Sappho sister?
An over-abundance of American Eagle?
Good guess. But there’s always a slight risk that that cute eagle sporting, 15-year-old looking dyke is actually an eagle-sporting, 15 year-old boy.
Short nails?
Possibly, but there are always those lesbians who are unwillingly riding the celibacy train and therefore have let their nails morph into Wolverine claws.
Give up? It’s all in the hair.
Let’s face it. Lesbians have an undeniable tendency to gravitate towards certain hairstyles. Like Northface fleeces and aviator shades, when it comes to one’s hair there are simply surefire signature looks that instantly evoke the gut reaction “Dyke ahoy!”
Don’t believe me? Just check out the evidence:
The Mullet
Butch in the front… Femme in the back. Unfortunately, this iconic hairstyle has earned the dubious title of #1 lesbian stereotype among those that dwell in Heteroville. It is naturally assumed that when one comes bursting out of the closet they will immediately proceed to the closest SuperCuts and ask for the Billy Ray Cyrus special. Sad, but true.
Otherwise known as the Mid-western Housewife, this style tends to be popular among college coaches, teachers, and the L.L.Bean-wearing population. It’s a step up from the Mullet in aesthetics but does still evoke the occasional shutters… especially when it seems impenetrable by rain, wind, hail, or hurricane.
If you’ve ever played softball, soccer, basketball, other any other dyke-drawing sport, then you’ll know exactly what I’m referring to. It’s classic, simple, and has the tendency to create an everlastingly indentation in one’s hair. The pre-wrap ponytail is not only acceptable on and off the court, but also says, “I’ve got an ACL tear and have the robo-brace to prove it”.
Oh, the Fauxhawk… Where to even begin? It’s spiky, messy, and slightly cliché. Having originated in the meterosexual “No, really. I’m not gay but dress and act like I know every number Judy Garland ever sang” section, this hairstyle has exploded within the lesbian scene over the last decade. Now of days, one can’t even step foot at Cubbyhole or a Liberty game without seeing at least a half dozen women sporting this style. Yes, it’s stereotypical. Yes, everyone and their uncle seems to have a variation of this style (myself included). But the Fauxhawk is fun and it has the undeniable ability to amp up one’s sex appeal a notch or two.
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July 11th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I once had a mullet. I wasn’t even a lesbian back then…just a hapless victim of the 80′s.
July 11th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Eugggghh… Mulletfail.
July 11th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
I just got my very own alternative ‘lifestyle haircut’
July 11th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
has certainly become popular lately (and I certainly have a variation of it).
July 11th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Hey, wow that got messed up. Trying again.
This has certainly become popular lately: http://images.starpulse.com/Photos/Previews/Zac-Efron-hsm01.jpg
(and I certainly have a variation of it)
July 11th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
The Post-Mullet:
http://gracethespot.com/?p=95
July 12th, 2009 at 2:27 am
I’m not sure if it was intentional, but I like the irony of using a picture of a homophobic coach to illustrate a lesbian haircut. Well done.
I was actually just talking about lesbian haircuts the other day to a friend, which caused me to accidentally proclaim loudly “I am obviously gay” which resulted in two middle school girls looking absolutely astonished. It was quite amusing.
July 12th, 2009 at 7:37 am
Totally intentional
July 12th, 2009 at 7:38 am
I like to refer to those as the “Tegan and Sara” look
July 12th, 2009 at 11:51 am
totally dont like the mullet one tiny bit! x
July 12th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
The Helmet is also known as the Methodist Minister cut in some circles.
July 12th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
funny, i was just thinking of getting a haircut. I don’t think I could rock the fauxhawk although some #alternativelifestylehaircut might be fun.
July 13th, 2009 at 12:01 am
is the Sinead not considered a “hair” cut?
July 13th, 2009 at 4:18 am
Canada is the lesbian fashion-hair cut capital
regarde
July 13th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
You are totes admitting that the fauxhawk outranks my yellow wallet and pink computer! I’m so butch you can’t even handle it!
PS. I realize “gay-identifying” and “butch” are separate things, but work with me here…I play softball damnit.
August 10th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
[...] refuse to wear anything from American Eagle, abhor Tivas and wouldn’t be caught dead sporting a faux hawk. They are quite verbal about how they can’t stand these things and how lesbians can do so much [...]
October 26th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
[...] Maybe the author of The History of Lesbian Hair and The Mullet: Hairstyle of the Gods should join forces and combine their book into one, because there is no hairstyle more butch than the mullet. [...]
November 20th, 2009 at 12:24 am
[...] Maybe the author of The History of Lesbian Hair and The Mullet: Hairstyle of the Gods should join forces and combine their book into one, because there is no hairstyle more butch than the mullet. [...]
January 8th, 2010 at 11:13 am
Darf ich fragen, wie heisst den dieses Theme auf dieser Seite? Ich hab es schon mal wo bestaunt und w