 | Stuff Lesbians Like Part 112: Carrying Purses (a rebuttal to Stuff Lesbians Like Part 33)By Grace Chu |
“Stuff Lesbians Like” has become an extensive list – with over 100 entries in all. So let me ask you, dear readers – where are you going to put all that stuff? In the pockets of your cargo pants? Please. You can’t wear cargo pants every day, and even if you do, you can’t fit chapstick, your aviator shades, a spare American Eagle pullover, and the other items that stuff lesbians like in the pockets of your trousers.
Furthermore, with the tail end of the leggings and skinny jeans trend still working its way from “sort of out” to “totally out,” how are you going to carry all that stuff when you’re squeezing the last bit of utility from last season’s pocketless trends before they can never be seen in public for another ten years?
Enter the purse. Once upon a time, the purse-bearing lesbian was seen as an anomaly, a curiosity and quite possibly an insidious spy from the land of heterosexuals. Being caught carrying a purse was akin to being caught reading Cosmo mag without irony. It simply wasn’t gay enough. (“Well isn’t being attracted to women enough to be considered gay?” you ask. Don’t ask such unenlightened questions, my dear. It’s complicated.)
But what if you were the type who liked to carry contact lens paraphernalia, sunglasses, tissues, a book, Sony Walkman, and five cassettes with you at all times? Consolidating your possessions in a leather pouch slung over your shoulder negated any sort of authenticity you had as a lesbian, so what was one to do? Either lose the Walkman or wear trousers with bigger pockets of course! How silly of you!
Fast forward twenty years. Although some lesbians, i.e. “classic lesbians” or “clesbians” are still skeptical of merits of carrying a purse (see, for example, Stuff Lesbians Like Part 33: Going Out Of One’s Way Not To Carry A Purse), carrying a purse is no longer viewed as the lesbian equivalent of wearing the scarlet letter. Some clesbians may insist that you carry a messenger bag instead, but it is perfectly acceptable not to take fashion cues from Puck of the first season of The Real World. Plus, a purse from Chinatown is less expensive than anything at Manhattan Portage, Diesel or even Old Navy.
Oh and, 9 out of 10 times, the most purse-a-phobic clesbians secretly want to sleep with purse bearers.
Although many areas still contain a majority of those-who-do-not-carry-purses, lesbian purse bearers now outnumber cargo pants afictionados in metropolitan areas like Los Angeles and Manhattan, and the number is growing.
The purse bearer is the ultimate lesbian: thrifty, stylish, and always prepared. Got a runny nose? She’ll offer you a tissue. Need some hand lotion? She’ll offer you her sample she picked up at Kiehl’s, and if your hands are in really bad shape, she’ll reach in her purse again and offer you Eucerin. Want to write down the digits of the girl you just met? She’ll hand you a pen. Scraped your knee after you and your buddy decided to start wrestling in public for the sake of wrestling in public? She’ll offer you a Band-Aid.
Advanced purse bearers are skilled at anticipating these types of situations and pride themselves in being able to fix every problem with their arsenal of household items buried in her purse. If you find a purse bearer who is carrying a roll of duct tape, you have hit the jackpot. Do not let her get away!
But do not abuse the kindness of the purse bearer or treat her like a second class citizen, because she may become fed up and tell you to carry your own damn purse. Then you’re really in trouble, sister.
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July 13th, 2009 at 1:06 am
Excellent closing argument by Chicken. Open and shut case, I’d say/
July 13th, 2009 at 3:12 am
Reading this post and the other one it’s responding to…can I just say stop? No one is better or worse for carrying a purse or not.
I don’t care if some women wear a purse and some don’t. I just don’t want how *I* look to be picked at. Isn’t that what everyone wants?
I just wish people could take pride in their expression without being all superior about it and making others feel inferior.
July 13th, 2009 at 3:18 am
I love my purse bearing girlfriend. She carries my glasses, my phone, my wallet and my keys. AND you’ll have to pry my skinny jeans off my cold dead legs.
July 13th, 2009 at 3:23 am
I love this post, hilarious. Pick away. Nobody needs to take this stuff personally unless they print your name and picture.
July 13th, 2009 at 4:24 am
That video killed me… and I totally have that Riki Wilchins book, lol.
July 13th, 2009 at 7:01 am
I see that you have not discovered the merits of a purse organiser yet… From one purse-bearing lesbian to another: get thee one stat!
Funny – post coming up on my purse one year later this evening.
July 13th, 2009 at 7:30 am
But I is confused. Aren’t we supposed to be… overly competitive at things that don’t matter?
http://gracethespot.com/?p=235
July 13th, 2009 at 9:25 am
Isn’t that song in the video the same one from the French razor commercial?
July 13th, 2009 at 9:30 am
You know what’s really sad? When two non-purse carrying lesbians end up together. Sometimes, we try to leave the house but we just stand at the door, our hands full of stuff, and realize we have no way to carry it. This is why we don’t go out much. We are hopeful, however, that our daughter will be purse carrier. Sometimes, you have to breed one.
July 13th, 2009 at 9:42 am
Aha, creating children for free labor! We’re onto you…
July 13th, 2009 at 9:43 am
Oui!
July 13th, 2009 at 10:31 am
I wanna meet the girl with the Sony Walkman and 5 cassette tapes.
July 13th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
It hasn’t worked out so well yet (you should see the state of my house and yard). The purse thing is our only hope.
July 13th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
My purse! I need it! How else would I carry my wallet, tissues, make-up, various first-aid and hygiene items, band-aids, drugs for various ills, a small tool set, a small roll duct tape, mints and other candies, a few miscellaneous office supplies, a book in case I get bored somewhere, my DS, my iPod, my phone, my graphing calculator (you never know), a compass, and, well, I forget what else is in there.
But, you see the point, I am sure!
July 13th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Also, blah, I thought being attracted to other females and dating them was enough to be gay? Please don’t kick me about of the club! <3
July 13th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
I think I need to get a purse.
July 14th, 2009 at 5:34 am
Hmm, the duct tape screams ‘serial killer’ more than ‘catch of the year’ to me…
July 14th, 2009 at 9:39 am
“I don’t care if some women wear a purse and some don’t.”
This entire website is dedicated to picking at stereotypes and misconceptions … it is not meant to offend anyone it is meant to make you laugh.
July 14th, 2009 at 9:40 am
p.s. Grace Chu – LOVE the video lol
July 14th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
What exactly is that French razor song? I need it in my iPod NOW.
July 14th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
“ma garden party” by simone elle est bonne, a song about shaving your pubes (seriously)
July 14th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
her myspace page is here:
http://www.myspace.com/simonebikini
July 15th, 2009 at 2:11 am
Haha, thanks for the link! The song makes so much more sense now with the visual aid.
July 15th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Yes. Stat.
July 16th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Good points. As a butch sissy it’s hard enough to fit everything in my pockets, but in my overly femme full drag even one purse doesn’t seem to be enough, especially for an overnighter. I need at least two new purses that have easier separation for my matching lipsticks and nail polish, (broke one in my purse once-what a mess), the liquid foundation, pressed powder compact, brushes, eyeshadow, mascara, eyeliner, identification other hygienic items (Summer’s Eve) and yes, the razors even if I do figure out how to braid my armpit hair, though I have to admit I didn’t bother shaving my legs or getting made up in the free panty-photos of myself I posted (for adult women only) at http://www.sissypantybuns.com/wordpress/?page_id=56 Maybe I could leave out the nail-polish remover. Maybe I need four purses. Brown and black, large and small for just the evening or for overnight. Wait a minute, maybe I don’t need a purse after all. I could try putting all that stuff in my bra in place of my falsies.
July 16th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Thanks for the laughs, Panty Buns. The idea of you replacing your falsies with your makeup in your bra instead of using a purse is funny, but not nearly as funny as the free panty photos you posted of yourself in your ‘panties-modeled-back-view’ at http://www.sissypantybuns.com/wordpress/?page_id=56 and http://www.sissypantybuns.com/wordpress/?cat=4 . They’re lovely. Anyone who sees them must be rolling on the floor laughing.
July 17th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
You’re right about that Sandra. Hey everybody, take a look at what Sandra’s talking about. Check out the old guy offering free panty photos of himself in ‘panties modeled back view’ and daring women to make him famous. It’s hysterical.
July 17th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
I hate purses, I tried them…they aren’t just made for me. They’re to big…only need them for my mobile, aviator sunglasses, keys, wallet, eyeliner, eye shadow (only make-up I use), for&back light for my bike.
I found one : http://picnica.ciao.com/uk/90362876.jpg (in blue).
July 18th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Still LMAO about his panty photos. He keeps adding more, too. Good site, though and good links, like to here at Grace The Spot. Did you see his Halloweens-In-Full-Drag photos and read those blogs? He was gorgeous as a woman 20 years ago. Maybe he should have gotten the operation. I think he’s too lazy to be a woman now. Did you see all the stuff he had in his purse? It’s on his ‘pages’ with some long hyphenated title about makeup. Talk about putting too much stuff in a purse. He had Summer’s Eve douche in there too. There’s no way he could have ever fit all that stuff in his bra instead of carrying a purse.
July 21st, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Didn’t you watch ‘Grace the Spot presents Purse Bearer’s Rule’ ? I suppose you think you could fit the cat and duct tape in your bra too? I saw what you had in your purse. Why carry more than one set of matching nail polish and lipstick anyway? Your whole outfit should coordinate and you don’t carry a suitcase do you? Oh, that’s right. I forgot you’ll probably be running around in just your blouse and panties anyway, so how much is there to coordinate? Don’t you think that makeup would be be a little lumpy in there Mister Panty Buns? How would you keep it from falling out? You have enough trouble just keeping your falsies in don’t you? What if you took hormones or got a boob job instead of just being a boob? How exactly do you propose to make this bra instead of a purse thing work? Loved the YouTube video Grace!
September 1st, 2009 at 12:40 pm
….to purse bearing, that is. i still hate ‘em, but my super butch girlfriend is definitely not going to become a purse bearer any time in the next millenium, so i finally caved in.
September 5th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
@Molly You just described MY purse!! I mean, I was a Girl Guide; I was taught to always be prepared for anything (especially a natural disaster). So I carry a makeup counter, salon fixings, pharmacy, library, various electronics, change of shoes, sweater, stuff to do if I’m stuck somewhere boring, you-never-know tools and whatnots.
You should see the trunk cargo organizer in my van!!
October 17th, 2009 at 11:07 am
hmm….I don’t carry purse. but I just couldn’t see one woman can leave without it. I am single no one will carry my wallet for me… with the monthly woman cycle….. it is hard to not carrying purse…. unless I have a big deep pocket….
:-p
October 29th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
I go through phases. I either can’t live without my purse or I can’t stand the sight of it. But I always adore my crossbody bags because their functionality and slight funkiness of the one’s I have, somewhat makeup for it being a purse.
That being said, my GF wouldn’t be caught dead carrying a purse, excpet when she’s holding mine when we’re shopping. So I always end up with her sunglasses, keys. chapstick and tampons in MY purse. Hmpf.
November 1st, 2009 at 9:57 am
hmmmm…..some how I just feel that I should carry my own stuff….I normaly end up with a very heavy jacket. Lucky I don’t do makeup…;-)
December 18th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
When one views the issue at hand, i have to agree with your finishes. You clearly show cognition about this theme and i have much to discover after reading your post.Many salutations and i will come back for any further updates.
January 12th, 2010 at 12:16 am
This is me! I have Kleenex, Eucerin, pens, and for a decent span of time: Duct tape.
But can I find it all in my enormous bag that has everything you could ever need/want? Give me 10-15 minutes. 
February 19th, 2010 at 8:16 pm
I absolutely can’t picture myself with a purse, but you’ll have to remove my messenger bag from me with a crowbar.
July 21st, 2010 at 3:55 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have been liberated! I like my handbags much better than my cargo pants!